The Hell Butterfly Effect
by Franchise
Summary: Sequel to Run Ichigo Run. Ichigo thought that his women troubles were long over. But an idea from Yamamato sets off a chain sequence of events that will cause even more chaos for him. IchigoxHarem
1. Yamamoto's Big Idea

Author's Note: This story is a sequel to an earlier Bleach fanfic I wrote known as Run Ichigo Run. Reading the first story is not necessary to understand what is happening in this one, however a few events from it will be referenced.

* * *

A while back there was an incident within Soul Society.

Correction, several incidents happen in Soul Society all the time. Whether it was something to do with a traitor to Soul Society or Aizen's winter war or something involving violence and destruction from the 11th division (more often considered regular daily occurrences), the after life is a place of much insane chaos.

But this incident was different because it fell under the cover up category. A very special category where actions or events occurred but people pretended that it never happened. It was done to either keep vital information secret or to save face such as in this situation.

This incident was filed under the case number IKI347 which was short for Ichigo Kurosaki incident case file #347. The official transcript of the incident was as follows:

On one Thursday afternoon, Nemu Kurotsuchi lieutenant of the 12th division working under the direct orders of her captain and father Mayuri Kurotsuchi attempted an assassination of one Uryu Ishida, last of the Quincy. Said attempt involved shooting a dart at Ishida containing an experimental drug. The attempt did not go as plan as the dart hit Shinigami substitute Ichigo Kurosaki instead and had an unexpected chemical reaction. The chemicals in the dart reacted with the abnormally high spirit pressure of Kurosaki and created a pheromone effect on people of the female gender.

From observations of the affected people, two main effects of the pheromone could be determined. First and foremost was a romantic obsession with Ichigo Kurosaki in which the affected girls tried anything to be with him including hunting him down and taking him hostage. The second was an increase in violent activity alternating from violence against other girls who also wanted Ichigo and violence against males who got in the way of the females getting Ichigo.

The pheromone effect began in Karakura Town before Ichigo moved into Soul Society spreading the effect. The list of female victims is too long to list but included Nemu Kurotsuchi, Rukia Kuchiki, Yourouchi Shihoin, the ryoka Orihime Inoue, and all high ranking female members of Soul Society including all the members of the Shinigami Women Association.

Following a conflict involving the SWA against several high ranking male shinigami, Ichigo Kurosaki managed to reach Mayuri and through the use of violent threats and destruction of property persuaded him to create an antidote. Following everyone being returned to normal, the memory of people in Karakura town was adjusted and standard cover up procedures were put in place.

That was the official transcript but most people just went by the cliffs notes version of the incident:

A dart hit Ichigo Kurosaki turning him into a sex magnet and causing every girl around him to try to jump his bones and kill anybody that got in his way until he got cured.

Either way the event was over, it had been covered up saving the embarrassment of all female shinigami, and it was suppose to be never spoken of again.

Which is why when it was directly brought up by 1st division captain Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryusai during, of all things, a women's association meeting, everyone was just a little bit surprised.

* * *

Yamamoto to scanned over the faces of the gathered female soul reapers. Soi Fon. Retsu Unohana. Isane and Kiyone Kotetsu. Nanao Ise. Rangiku Matsumoto, Yachiru Kusajishi, and Nemu Kurotsuchi. These were the best, the highest seated women from all thirteen squads.

"Thank you for allowing me to speak here today" Yamamoto said his old voice gruff but still filled with the confidence of a leader. "I need to discuss a certain delicate situation that involved all of you a few months prior. I trust you know of what I speak of"

Tenth division lieutenant Matsumoto quickly spoke up "Sir, I can assure you that I had no idea that the beverages I had were alcoholic nor how I ended up anywhere near your personal bedchambers"

"Not that incident" Yamamoto replied back sharply to the busty woman with a bit of a glare. "The one involving the substitute shinigami"

"Oh," Matsumoto said a little bit relived. Then her mind actually focused on what incident he actually meant "Oh…."

"I trust no one needs to be reminded of the specific details"

A quick look over the room gave him an answer as every female was now looking away with either embarrassment or anger on their faces. Well except for Yachiru as the pink haired girl had been to busy munching on a large pile of candy to pay attention. Even Nemu a person who had the emotional level of a computer had a small blush on her face.

Women's association vice president Nanao decided to speak up "Sir, we all know what happened then and it was proven that we were all under the effect of a chemical reaction and it was determined we were not to blame. So why do we need to discuss this?"

"Because I am asking all of you to pursue a romantic relation with Ichigo Kurosaki"

"…"

"…"

Silence flowed through the room as everyone looked at the general with shocked faces. Then suddenly everyone began speaking at once.

"What?"

"Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"The substitute shinigami"

"Is this some kind of sick joke?!"

"You can't be serious"

"No way"

"Ichigo…"

"Hey, I'm out of candy"

"Silence!" Yamamoto yelled out banging his walking stick for good measure. "Let me explain. I have been thinking"

'_This can't be good'_ several of the women thought simultaneously.

Currently we are doing well in our preparations and battles against Aizen and his Arrcaner. But what shall we do about the future?"

"The future?" Kiyone asked confused.

"Yes. While there is no doubt we will defeat Aizen, doing so may cost us more in the long run. Already our forces have been severely depleted and we are no doubt going to lose more soldiers in the future. So what can we do to prepare for any threats in the future? That brought me to my second thought. Ichigo Kurosaki. Tell me, does anyone know what makes Ichigo Kurosaki different from other soul reapers?"

"He's human" Nanao suggested.

Matsumodo raised her hand excitedly "I know. He has orange hair"

"He's always breaking our laws" Soi Fon muttered sourly.

"His spirit energy and power are abnormally high making him stronger then most other shinigami"

"Very good Nemu" Yamamoto replied. "Yes, Ichigo's spiritual pressure is quite incredible. Why he has even managed to give powers to other people who just stand around him. He is a great asset to Soul Society but still he is only man. However if he were have any children, then they would most likely end up with his level of power as well"

Yamamoto paused as the gathered women started putting two and two together, for what their old leader was thinking of.

"You have all had somewhat romantic encounters with the substitute shinigami before even if not under normal circumstances. Not to mention, I believe that all of you ladies are single at the moment"

"Okay, let me get this straight" Soi Fon stated soundly very pissed off. "Because of that freakish incident before, you want us to pursue Ichigo Kurosaki in the hopes of having us eventually married to him and pregnant with his children as these children will hopefully be as powerful as their father and can help defend Soul Society in the future. Correct?"

"Exactly"

Matsumodo leaned over and whispered to Unohana who was sitting next to her. "When was the last time he had a psychological evaluation?"

Soi Fon got up from her seat. She quickly picked up and began stroking her favorite stuffed black cat as a measure to remain calm.

"Sir, I respect you as a leader and know that you mean the best for Soul Society, but this plan, well it's insane. Beyond insane actually. Personally I think that my obese idiotic lieutenant could come with a better idea. Still I guess it doesn't matter since it doesn't apply to me. As captain of the 2nd division, I am obviously too important to participate in such foolishness. Correct?"

"Wrong"

The black kitty suddenly found itself being strangled to death. "You senile old bastard! I'll kill you!"

Isane and Nanoe each quickly grabbed an arm preventing Soi Fon from accidentally committing treason in her rage. As they did, everyone began talking again.

"Is there anyway around this?" Isane asked as she struggled to keep Soi Fon in place.

Her sister looked over at her. "I know. We can submit an appeal to the Central 46 to get the decision overridden!"

"That's a good idea Kiyone" Isane muttered. "Except for the simple fact Aizen killed all of the Central 46!"

"Oh right"

"Well, I suppose it could be a worse assignment" Matsumodo said. "After all, Ichigo is pretty sexy"

"Matsumodo!"

The busty girl looked across the table at Nanao. "What's the matter? Are you afraid you won't be able to keep up with the competition?" she asked jokingly pushing her chest forward.

"….It's nothing like that"

"I will do it" Nemu said softly but no one actually heard her over everyone else speaking and Soi Fon continuing to throw out death threats.

"Hmm…Ichigo is almost as strong as Ken-chan so I guess he would be an okay boyfriend" Yachiru chirped out happily.

Yamamoto coughed lightly. "Actually lieutenant Yachiru, due to your younger age, you will actually not be required to partake in this mission"

"That's not fair. I want to be pregnant to!"

Isane looked down at her "But president, you are too young. It's not possible for you to get pregnant"

"Sure it is. I'm goanna go find Ken-chan and get him to help me find a way to get pregnant. You'll see"

With that Yachiru sped off. The rest of the women's association actually paused in their talks at this.

"Well that's going to be one interesting conversation" Matsumodo remarked.

"Indeed," Yamamoto muttered with a sigh realizing that he would probably have to deal with a very angry and bloodthirsty Kenpachi Zakari soon enough.

Up until now, Unohana had been silent listening to everyone's comments and thinking deeply on the issue. Suddenly she proposed a question to Yammato speaking for the first time.

"General, in that regard, shouldn't I also be excused from this mission?" she asked.

Yamamoto's gaze turned and looked over at her. "Hmm?"

"Well, sir seeing as I am well…you know…much older then the rest of the ladies present here"

"Nonsense Unohana," Yamamoto said, "You hardly look a day over 300. I'm sure Kurosaki will not even notice and you will do just fine"

"Thank you sir" Unohana replied back with a polite smile.

Had anyone looked a bit closer they would have seen that the 4th captain's smile seemed a little less genuine then usual and that both of her hands were clenched into fists at her sides.

"And before anyone else comes up with some kind of excuse, this mission is being filed under Act 2, Section 5 of wartime protocol"

Everyone froze at that statement. Act 2, Section 5 was a very common protocol. It basically meant that in the event of an ongoing war, Soul Society could modify any of its laws to best suits it needs for said war. In other words, there was no way out of this.

"Shit" Soi Fon cursed.

Right then and there amongst all the chatter, Isane suddenly posed a very interesting question. "What does Ichigo Kurosaki think about this?"

Yamamoto looked over at her. "At the moment, we have sent someone to retrieve him from the real world. I'm sure that once I explain my plan to him, he will go along with it"

* * *

At that exact moment, said shinigami sneezed very loud and very hard.

"Jeez, hurry up already Ichigo"

Ichigo Kurosaki struggled to stifle a yawn as he walked slowly along his school bag lazily slung over his shoulder. Last night had been long with having to be out all night dealing with random hollows followed by being woken up by an extra early 5am good morning dropkick from his father. The lack of sleep had made Ichigo a little extra grumpy today.

"Yeah, I'm coming Rukia. keep your shirt on"

Rukia glared at him and Ichigo gave her a look back annoyed that she didn't seem to be tired in the latest from last night.

"We're going to be late at this rate and its going to be your fault" she yelled out at him.

"I know. Just give it a rest already midget"

Rukia was about to go over and help wake Ichigo up via strangling when a voice interrupted her plans.

"Hey Rukia! Ichigo!"

The two of them turned to see the 6th division lieutenant Abarai Renji running towards the pair.

"Hey Renji" Ichigo muttered in greeting yawning again.

As Renji got closer Rukia blinked in surprise at the sight of her long time friend. "Err Renji, what are you wearing?"

Renji stopped and looked over his own outfit "Nice, isn't it?"

The shinigami was decked in a black suit with white dress shirt and a black tie. Black dress shoes were on his feet as well a pair of large black sunglasses that was currently on the top of his forehead just in front of where Renji had tied his hair into a ponytail.

"I'm trying to be incognito" he said in a whisper.

"Yeah, well you're doing a lousy job of it" Ichigo muttered.

"What was that?" Renji shot back with a glare as he got right in Ichigo's face.

"You heard me" Ichigo replied back with his patented scowl.

"Jerk"

"Punk"

"Idiot"

"Lousy dresser"

Rukia sighed and quickly whacked the two of them in the head. "Renji, what are you doing here?"

"Oh right" Renji took a moment to think. "Ichigo, Captain Yammato needs you to come to Soul Society for a meeting right away"

"Why?"

"Err, he didn't actually say"

"He didn't say?" Rukia refused confused. "How come?"

"No idea"

Ichigo sighed. "Fine, I'll go to Soul Society after school and see what he wants"

"No. You have to go now" Renji protested.

"I have school right now Renji"

"So?"

"So, I need to go to it Renji"

"You can't just ignore a direct order from the head commander"

Ichigo took a deep breath to control his building anger. "Look Renji, is Aizen launching some sort of attack?"

"No"

"Is there some new threat or brand new filler arc villain attacking?"

"No"

"Have you guys wrongly accused me of something and are trying to arrest me again?"

Renji smirked a little bit. "Nope, not this week"

"Then I don't see any reason to go right now" Ichigo argued. "I'm tired, I have to go to school now, and I'm sure the old man can wait a few hours for me to show up. Come on Rukia, let's go"

An annoyed look formed on Renji's face as he watched them start walking away. "I figured you would be stubborn. Oh well time for plan B"

Renji brought his fingers to his lips and gave off a sharp whistle.

Ichigo and Rukia glanced back as suddenly an unmarked black van with tinted windows burst out from around the corner. The tires screeched to a halt as the van stopped in front of the group. The side door of the van opened revealing Ikkaku, Yumichika and Hisagi all dressed in the same style of Renji.

"Grab him"

Six arms reached out and grabbed a hold of the substitute shinigami yanking him into the van.

"What? Let go of me!" Ichigo roared out kicking and struggling the whole time.

"Renji" Rukia yelled out looking very ticked off right now, "You just said he wasn't being arrested"

"Hey, I was told to get him to come no matter what" Renji said as he lightly grabbed a hold of Rukia's hand. "You might as well come with us to"

"Wait…" Rukia started to protest but Renji had already pulled her along with him into the van and had shut the door.

"Step on it Kira"

"Right"

The van's tires screeched once more as the vehicle took off at full speed going from 0 to 80 miles in a second and quickly disappearing down the street. As it left, a schoolbag dropped on to the sidewalk as its owner had just witnessed what had happened.

The normal upbeat and cheerful face of Orihime Inoue was now filled with a mixture of panic and fear as a few tears streamed down her face.

"Oh no. Kurosaki-kun has been abducted!"


	2. Meet the Shinigami

One of the first things taught to students at the Shinigami Academy is the notion of preparation. You never know when a hollow will attack or you may be called upon for an important task. Therefore you must have your zanpakuto as well as any other skills and assets you require ready at a moment's notice.

"Am I showing too much cleavage?" Matsumoto asked out loud.

"Yes" A chorus of female voices replied.

"Perfect" she said with a smile she finished tying her bright red kimono.

Ise Nanao let out a sigh. Being a part of the women's association had led to some very weird and unusual situations. Still, waiting to meet with their potential unknowing and quite possibly unwilling suitor while being ordered to dress up in kimonos for the occasion was worst then most of them put together.

"We really need to invest in democracy here" she muttered sadly.

A door creaked open and Yamamoto stepped inside. "I hope that you ladies are all prepared. The Kurosaki boy will be arriving soon" The captain general frowned as he looked over the group of gathered girls. Two things were clearly wrong. He decided to address the most immediate one. "Soi Fon, you are not wearing a kimono"

Soi Fon, glanced back at Yamamoto clad in her usual captain robes. "I know that sir"

"You were requested to wear one"

"I refuse"

"If you go and get and changed now, I will forget this act of insubordination"

Soi Fon held up her finger which had a transformed Suzumebachi on it. "Try and make me," she growled out.

Yamamoto stared at her long and hard. "This will be getting put down into your permanent record young lady. Now then to the other matter at hand. Isane Kotetsu!"

Wearing a blue kimono, Isane stiffened a bit in fear having a feeling that this was coming.

"Would you mind explaining to me why your captain is not present here?"

"Well you see sir; there was a bit of a medical emergency..."

- Meanwhile at General Hospital, also know as 4th division headquarters -

"Oh my." Captain Unohana remarked as she studied the hand of her patient. "That's a very serious wound that you have there"

Ikkaku stared at the healing captain in surprise. "No it isn't. It's just a splinter. I get them all the time."

"But there is a large chance of it getting infected. Not to mention all of the blood around the wound"

"Blood? There's no blood there. Can I just go already?"

"Oh no. The hallucinations must have already set in. We must hurry. Hanataro, quickly prepare the main operating room for surgery."

"What? Hey let go of me you crazy woman. Somebody, help me!"

* * *

"I see" Yamamoto regarding Isane with a suspicious look. "I will be having a talk with your captain later"

"Oh, she did give medical clearance for someone else to take part in the mission"

"The door opened and a smaller girl with dark hair done up in a bun wearing a plain white kimono stepped inside"

"Hi everybody" Hinamori Momo called out to the gathered soul reapers.

"Hi Hinamori" most of the girls replied back slowly as last they had heard, dear sweet Momo still had a slightly insane obsession with her former captain Aizen.

Yamamoto gave the girl a hard look. "Are you aware of the mission lieutenant Hinamori?"

"Yes sir. We are to meet with Ichigo Kurosaki to see about the possibility of marriage to him as well as producing children to better strengthen our forces for the future."

"And do you feel you are up to this task?"

"Yes, sir. Ichigo seems like a really interesting person and I look forward to meeting and getting to know him better"

Yamamoto formed a bright smile.

"I mean Ichigo must be great if Captain Aizen took such a large interest in him. Is it really true that Aizen managed to stop Ichigo's bankai with just a single finger? Wow, that's amazing. It's a shame that Gin has tricked Captain Aizen over to the dark side"

The smile went straight back to a frown as he glared over at Isane. "This is medically cleared?"

"We've been taking it one step at a time. Just last week we convinced her to take down the Aizen shrine in her room"

The old man let out a sigh. "Remain here and I will call of you to come out in a moment"

As Yamamoto left and Hinamori went to join the other girls, Matsumoto leaned in and whispered to Isane. "You do know that she has an image of Aizen on the back of that kimono, right?"

"One step at a time" Isane argued.

Kiyone was wearing a blue kimono similar to her sister's but with a lighter shade. The girl leaned in near the closed door suddenly calling out. "Hey be quiet. I think I can hear Ichigo's voice"

"Why did you bring me here gramps?" Ichigo called out.

The girls heard silence for a few moments as Yamamoto was probably responding to something.

"Marriage? What the hell are you talking about?"

More silence.

"Hahaha, that's a really funny joke gramps"

"Wait for it" Soi Fon muttered.

"I'm going to kill you gramps!"

A lot of yelling banging and swearing could be heard from the other room.

"Take him down before he uses bankai" Somebody called out.

A few more banging noises and everything went silent again for a few moments.

"You may enter now" Yamamoto called out.

Nemu feel into place silently with the rest of girls. Wearing a black kimono that did not look much different from her usual uniform, the girl was curious about the entire situation and how exactly Ichigo would react. When she arrived, she was surprised to see the ryoka boy on the floor surrounded by the male captains of Soul Society. (Zaraki Kenpachi was the one exception as Yamamoto had sent him and his lieutenant on a mission to avoid him trying to fight Ichigo and potentially damage certain vital body parts). Each captain had their sword drawn and in Captain Komamura's case his large canine food on top of Ichigo's back to keep him from trying to kill the 1st division captain. Standing off to the side was a very surprised Rukia.

"Now, then" Yamamoto said acting like everything was perfectly normal, "Are you happy to meet these fine outstanding ladies my boy?"

Ichigo glared at the old man struggling to break free. "No! And I don't want to marry any of them either! No offence"

"None taken" Nanao replied back.

8th division captain Kyoraku Shunsui grinned at the sight of his lieutenant. He recognized the pink flowery kimono she had on as he had given it to her as a gift before since it matched the design of his haori.

"Nanao-chan, you look so lovely today. It breaks my heart that young Kurosaki has come to steal you away from me"

A moment later Nanao threw her large book at her captain's head. However Shunsui had several years of experience dealing with this and calmly twisted his head to the side causing the book to miss him and hit acting 9th captain Shuhei Hisagi instead.

"Ow" Shuhei muttered rubbing his head a bit before looking back all the cute girls in front of him that were technically there for Ichigo. "Lucky bastard."

Ichigo looked over at Yamamoto. "There's no way you can do this to me! Isn't it illegal to marry multiple women anyway?"

"Not in Soul Society, it isn't"

"Well, then why do you need to use me? Use somebody else. What about Toshiro? He's supposed to be a prodigy, right?"

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you" Toshiro replied back.

"Give it a rest already. Well then what about Kenpachi? He has a ton of spiritual energy. Have him marry them all instead!"

The dark and downright scary looks coming from every single female there back to Ichigo was the only answer needed to that suggestion. The orange haired shinigami twisted his head sideways beginning to get desperate.

"Rukia, help me!"

Rukia blinked still trying to get to use the whole absurd idea of Ichigo getting married for the betterment of Soul Society. She glanced down at Ichigo's begging look before shaking her head and slowly backing away. "Sorry Ichigo but there's no way I'm getting involved in this fiasco"

"Rukia," Byakuya turned and looked straight at her. "I'm ordering you to get involved in this fiasco"

"What?" Rukia cried out, "But niisama, why?"

Byakuya was silent as he recalled that he had asked that very same question

- A little while earlier -

"Byakuya, are you aware of why we have summoned you today?"

The 6th division captain scanned over the various old faces sitting behind a table that made up the Kuchiki elders.

"No, I'm not aware of any reason for your summoning"

"It's concerning the potential marriages to Ichigo Kurosaki"

Byakuya's eyes widened a bit in surprise. "That is classified information only for the ears of seated officers. How did you hear of this?"

"We're clan elders" One of them replied.

Another elder explained further "It is our job to find out information that doesn't concern us and then interfere in the affairs of the younger generation by forcing our will on them as we believe we know better"

"It doesn't matter. The issue here is that you must arrange for Rukia to court this young man"

"May I ask why?" Byakuya asked forcing himself to remain calm.

"Quite simply we are in need of a clan head for when you step down. The word is that any children from this shinigami will be extremely powerful. To have one of them as the next head of this household would be a great advantage to us"

"Also, Rukia is our only option right now for producing a heir considering you have not been with a single women ever since your wife past away. It has made some people start to question your sexual preference Byakuya"

"We are not the only ones thinking about this. Rumors are spreading that the Kasumioji clan also have an interest in this boy. To ensure our standing, we must gain control of him first"

"But that would mean…" Byakuya really didn't want to say it. "…Ichigo Kurosaki would have to become a member of this household"

"Sacrifices must be made sometimes. Make sure Rukia understands that. After all…" the old man formed an evil grin, "you wouldn't want to break our rules, now would you Byakuya?"

"Of course not. I will see to it at once" Byakuya replied through clenched teeth as he turned and left.

* * *

"It is for the honor of the Kuchiki household, Rukia" Byakuya explained. "Make sure the boy is aware of the large dowry that you have. Common people can be easily swayed by monetary gain"

"I'm less then five feet away from you" Ichigo muttered dryly.

Byakuya turned and gave him an indifferent look "Very good. I see that you are able to judge distance"

"Why you…"

Yamamoto banged his wooden staff to get Ichigo's attention. "If we can continue on…"

"There's nothing to continue on with. I'm not doing this and there is absolutely no way you can convince me otherwise. End of discussion!"

Yamamoto frowned at this. "This is a direct order. As an official representative of Soul Society, you cannot refuse it"

"Since when have I been official? I'm just a high school student that keeps doing this in his spare time and ends up constantly saving all of you. Hell, you don't even pay me for it!"

"Yes we do"

Ichigo blinked at this. "What? Since when?"

"Ever since I gave you that badge when you were leaving Soul Society the first time," Jushiro explained, "It marked you as a member of Soul Society and you started getting paid from that date onward. It's not the same amount as a seated officer but the wages and health benefits are still very good"

"Since you do not reside here, my lieutenant volunteered to collect your paycheck each week for you" Byakuya added on.

Rukia looked down in surprise at him "Hasn't Renji been giving you your money Ichigo?"

- Meanwhile at a nearby trendy store in the 1st distract -

"I'll take all of these" Abarai Renji said as he tossed a large pile of sunglasses on to the counter.

The clerk looked over the items in surprise. "Wow Renji, these are some of our most expensive models. How can you afford all of them?"

The red haired man formed a smirk as he pulled out some cash. "Oh I have my ways"

* * *

"Renji is dead the next time that I see him" Ichigo declared.

While this was going on Matsumoto was standing in her place in the line wondering how much longer it would be before they could take a break and she could maybe slip away to get a few drinks. Suddenly, her face lit up.

"Oh general, I just came up with a wonderful idea"

From his position of holding a sword just under Ichigo's throat, Toshiro's eyes suddenly widened in fear as he recognized the look on his lieutenant.

"Wait, Sir. This is some sort of trick. Matsumoto just wants to get out of doing paperwork. Or go drinking. Or both!"

"Be silent Captain Hitsugaya" Yamamoto ordered. "You may go on with your idea dear"

"Thank you. I Rangiku Matsumoto submit that maybe we should approach this a bit differently. I couldn't help but notice that Ichigo seems a little bit uncomfortable here"

Ichigo snorted at this.

"Perhaps, Ichigo would respond better to this idea if he was in a more familiar setting. I propose that we travel back home with Ichigo and stay there a little while with him. That way we can all get to know each other better and there can be some time for romantic feelings to bloom"

"I see. And how much time do you think would be required for this to work?"

"Well sir, the art of romance can't be rushed so I would say about two months"

Yamamoto thought it over before making a counter offer "One week"

"A month and a half"

"Two weeks"

"One day" Ichigo yelled out to no avail.

"One month sir and I guarantee by the end of it, Ichigo will be engaged to at least two of us"

"What!?" came the outraged cry of Ichigo and every single other female there.

"…Agreed"

"All right! We got a one month vacation girls!"

At this moment, Ichigo really wanted to kill Matsumoto. The shinigami wondered if he could actually get away with it, glancing over at her captain. Toshiro looked back at him as if knowing what he was thinking.

"Make sure that there are no witnesses and that it can't be traced back to me" he whispered.

"Very well then. You ladies shall proceed to the real world and spend the month at Ichigo's home…"

"Hold it!" With a sudden large burst of spiritual energy, Ichigo forced the other shinigami off of him and got back on his feet. He immediately pointed his zanpakuto at Yamamoto.

"Enough is enough gramps. I can't stop you from sending them to my town but there is no chance in hell that they can stay in my home. There's too much of a chance of my family finding abut soul reapers and hollows and I won't risk that. Besides that, there isn't any room for anybody in my house anyway"

"Didn't Rukia stay hidden inside your home at first after you gained your powers?"

'_Yup Matsumoto is definitely going to die. Right along side Renji and the old man' _

"If that is the case," Yamamoto mused, "Then you should have no problem letting one of these fine ladies stay in your home. Ichigo, my boy, feel free to select one to accompany you home"

Ichigo thought for a moment and then opened his mouth to speak.

"Other then Rukia who is already living in your home,"

Ichigo immediately fell silent once more. "Is there any way at all that I can get out of this?"

"Select one or we will choose for you"

Ichigo took a deep breath tying to stay calm. _'Alright Ichigo, Soul Society has completely messed up your life. Again. I'll have to go along with this now until I figure a way out of it. Hmm, I better select whichever one of them will be the least amount of trouble' _

"Definitely not you" Ichigo shouted out pointing a finger at Matsumoto.

"Oh, are you sure?" Matsumoto asked. The women reached behind her back for the obi on her kimono and started to loosen it, undoing her kimono and slowly starting to reveal more of her body.

"Yes, stop that!" Ichigo yelled out covering his hands with his face. Matsumoto pouted but did stop.

"Lucky bastard" Shuhei and Shunsui both muttered.

'_Who else is there? There's Nemu'_ Memories of said girl kissing him on the lips and being in very little clothing came to mind causing his face to blush with embarrassment _'No, that's definitely not a good idea'_

Nemu face was saddened a bit as Ichigo shook her head at her. Across the room, her captain Mayuri narrowed his eyes at her.

'_Soi Fon? No thank you, I don't have a death wish. Next is that the girl with the glasses. What is her name again? No wait; she was the one that had the whip when they all went after me before so she's out' _

That left three girls for Ichigo to choose from: Hinamori Momo and the two Kotetsu sisters Ichigo paused for a moment as he looked at Momo's smiling face.

'_Well she doesn't seem to be that bad. Also she's small so she should fit alright in the closest' _

Ichigo pointed at Hinamori "Okay I'll…"

Ichigo suddenly stopped when he noticed the rest of the women shaking their heads no. At the same time, Jushiro began to violently cough behind him.

"CoughcoughAizenfangirlcoughcough"

"Oh the hell with this" Ichigo marched over and grabbed one of the remaining girls by her arm. "This is my choice"

"Me?" Isane called out in shock.

"Way to go Isane" Matsumoto called out.

"Yeah, congratulations sis"

"But...but…" Isane stuttered out.

"Very well, it is decided then" Yamamoto announced. "You ladies shall prepare for your trip to the real world and will have one month to complete your mission. I wish you all the best and know that you will perform well in your service to Soul Society. Meeting adjourned"

Everyone began talking amongst themselves and moving out of the room. Ichigo was quickly leading the way still pulling Isane with him.

"Come on, I want to get out of here"

"Wait"

"Nemu!"

Nemu looked over at her father's angry face.

"Follow me. Now!" Mayuri said turning around and leaving.

"Yes father"

- Meanwhile, back in Karakura Town -

"Okay troops; are you ready to move out?"

The troops, being one Uryu Ishida and one Yasutora 'Chad' Sato nodded slowly not completely sure if they agreed with their leader. Orihime looked over at the two with a serious look on her face. The group was standing just outside of Urahara's shop. Chad and Ishida had the usual clothes they wore for battle on. Orihime had traded in her school uniform and was now wearing military clothing similar to what a general would wear (completely designed and sewn by Ishida of course). It even came with a lovely cap.

"Orihime, are you sure about this?" Chad asked calmly.

"Of course I am. I saw Ichigo and Rukia get kidnapped by Renji and a bunch of gangsters who threw them into in a van and drove off. Don't you believe me?"

"We believe you" Ishida said as he adjusted his glasses on his face, "But you have to admit, this does sound a bit strange"

"No it doesn't. I've already figured everything out. There must be a secret yakuza crime organization in Soul Society controlling everything from behind the scenes. Renji is a part of them and they must have kidnapped Ichigo to silence him since he was getting too close to the truth. Come to think of it, Byakuya must be the godfather. That's why they kidnapped Rukia as well, so she can be forced to take her place alongside him in the crime family. I can't even imagine the sort of torture they are experiencing right now"

"…Right" Uryu muttered.

"Hey, I got a question for you"

Orihime turned and looked over. "Yes, Jinta?"

The red hair kid glared up at Orihime with Ururu standing quietly beside him. "Why the hell do the two of us have to come with you?"

Sitting on a nearby porch, Urahara opened up his fan and laughed. "Oh that's because of me. I'm letting Orihime rent your services for her mission"

"What?" Jinta yelled at the shopkeeper. "How can you do that? There are child labor laws, you know! It's illegal!"

"Not in Soul Society, it isn't"

At this moment, Tessai stepped outside. "Sir, preparations are ready for the gate to Soul Society"

Yoruichi followed behind the large man in her cat form. "Are you sure it's a good idea to let them go through there?"

Urahara just laughed. "Oh come on Yoruichi. What is the worst that they could do over there?"

"Kisuke…"

Orihime turned and pointed towards the shop. "All right troops, lets move out. The rescue Ichigo arc begins now!"

At that very moment irony decided to pop up as a gate opened up in front of the group and who should emerge from it but the kidnapped Kurosaki boy himself.

"Kurosaki-kun! You're alive." Orihime called out happily as she ran over to give him a hug. "How did you manage to escape?"

Ichigo blinked in surprise. "Huh? Oh hey Inoue. What are you doing here?"

"I was coming to rescue you"

"What? I don't need rescuing. Anyway this really isn't a good time. I'll see you later, okay? Come one Isane."

"Right"

Orihime only now realized that there was a girl standing beside Ichigo but before she could ask about her the two took off leaping into the air. "Wait, Kurosaki-kun!"

At the moment everyone turned their attention back to the gate as another figure emerged out of it.

"Oh Rukia" Orihime called out as she recognized her friend. "Can you tell me what's wrong with Ichigo? He just took off with some girl without saying anything"

"Stupid niisama" Rukia complained loudly as she walked by not even noticing that Orihime and the others were even there. "How could he sell me out like this? I forgave him for the execution thing but this going too far!"

"Can't anyone tell me what is going on?" Orihime called out.

At that moment a chorus of female voices came through the gate as Matsumoto, Soi Fon, Momo, Kiyone, and Nanao stepped through, the gate closing behind them.

"Shouldn't we have waited for Yachiru?" Momo was asking, "I'm sure she would have wanted to come on along"

Kiyone looked over at her. "We did. They should have been back from their mission four hours ago"

"I'm sure madam president will join us as soon as she and Zaraki find their way back to Soul Society" Nanao remarked.

"Whatever" Soi Fon growled, "You shopkeeper. We need gigais prepared for us immediately.

Matsumoto suddenly grinned as she saw Orihime. Running over, she quickly gave the other big breasted girl a hug.

"Orihime, how have you been? You look great. I like the new outfit"

"Err thank you Rangiku-san. Umm, what are you all doing here?"

"Oh, we're all on a mission to get Ichigo to marry us. You know the usual stuff."

"What!?"

The reaction was to be expected as Orihime, Chad, Ishida, and everyone with the Urahara shop stared out wide eyed in a state of shock. Orihime went one step further as her jaw fell open and stayed that way.

"By the way, would you mind if we all crashed at your place for the next month?"

Orihime just stood there like a statue.

"Thanks. You're the best"

* * *

"Ichigo sighed as he stepped into his bedroom once more in his human form. Marching over to the window he slid it open a bit. A few moments passed and Isane landed inside.

"This is a nice home you have," she remarked not really sure what to say.

"Yeah it is. Look I don't mean to take it out on you Isane but frankly I am really ticked off with Soul Society. Also I'm really tired so I am just going to go to sleep and try to forget that this day ever happened"

"No, it's alright. A lot of us felt the same way when we first heard about this. So, umm where will I be sleeping?"

Ichigo walked over to the small closet, and opened the door revealing the small futon inside.

Isane blinked in surprise at the space. "Well, it's…cozy"

"Sorry. It's the same space that Rukia used before"

"What's this? A new beauty has arrived!"

Isane looked down and saw a lion plushy leering up at her. "Ah!"

"Oh, that's Kon. If he those anything perverse to you, just beat him up." Ichigo said as he picked Kon up and threw him into a nearby wall. "Well goodnight"

Ichigo flopped down on to the bed and was sound asleep a moment later. Isane looked at him for a moment before glancing back at the closet wondering how she was supposed to fit in.

Hours later, Ichigo was dreaming. It was a wonderful dream. He was dreaming that he was in a world where he only had to deal with hollows, arrancars, and a former captain turned evil manipulative mastermind. The simple life, one that did not have an old man trying to get him married to multiple women.

"Giant mutant cabbages!"

Ichigo shot up from his bed and looked around wildly trying to see what kind of attack it was. Everything seemed normal and quiet enough.

"No please leave me alone! I don't want you to suck out my brain!"

Ichigo turned his attention towards the closet door where he could hear Isane's voice. The girl seemed to be having a bad dream and reacting very vocally to it. As she continued to yell out, Ichigo struggled to remain calm.

It was going to be a long month.


	3. Mission Ichigo

Isane panted against the brick wall she had found herself at. It was a dead end and with that her doom was at hand. Zanpakutos had no effect on these things. Everyone else that could help her, her sister, her captain, they had all fallen. Now Isane was all alone and she knew that there was no hope left.

Around the corner, one of the giant mutant cabbages came hopping towards her. Obviously the cabbage was a mutant because it was giant, was hopping and it had a mouth with sharp fang like teeth. Suddenly the cabbage halted in front of her and began to speak in a low and raspy voice.

"Isane…I am your mother!"

"What? That's not true! It's impossible!" Isane cried out.

"Search your feelings; you know it to be true. Now come join me and we can rule the vegetable side as mother and wake up"

Isane blinked. "I'm sorry. What?"

"Wake up!"

Isane's eyes flashed open and immediately came face to face with an angry looking orange haired male. Startled, she moved her head forward and collided with the other person's skull.

"Ow. Damn it!" Ichigo complained as he was knocked back a bit.

"Oh Ichigo" Isane called out suddenly remembering where she was. "I'm sorry. Umm, I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, of course not" Ichigo muttered sarcastically while rubbing his head.

"I sort of have this problem where occasionally I get very bad and recurring nightmares and usually end up yelling out during them. I probably should have mentioned that before"

"Yeah, it would have been nice"

"Once again, I'm sorry" Isane apologized to the grumpy Kurosaki. "You can go back to sleep now. I should be okay now"

Ichigo was just about to when he noticed that Isane was currently hunched up inside the closet with her legs folded into her body in order to fit. The 4th division lieutenant shifted around slightly trying to get comfortable. With a sigh Ichigo reached in and picked up Isane pulling her out of the closet.

"Wait, Ichigo" Isane cried out as she was carried, "I'm really sorry. Please don't throw me out!"

Ichigo said nothing, continuing to carry her until he reached his destination and promptly dropped her on to his bed.

"Go back to sleep" he muttered.

"But where are you going to sleep?"

Ichigo grabbed a pillow before lying down on the floor. "Goodnight Isane"

"Are you sure? Because I…"

"Goodnight Isane" Ichigo repeated more harshly.

"Err, goodnight"

* * *

Matsumoto Rangiku stretched a bit. She looked around Orihime's apartment at the various other female shinigami as they began to get up. The 10th division lieutenant was in a very good mood this morning. After all, it was her quick thinking that had enabled all these hard working ladies to get a month's worth of vacation time.

"So ladies, what should we do today?" Shall we go shopping? Or perhaps have a nice relaxing trip to the beach?"

The response to her question was to have a large and heavy book thrown into the back of her head.

"Ow," she cried out rubbing her head and turning around. "Nanao that really hurt"

"Good" Nanao replied angrily. She quickly slipped on her glasses as she got out of the futon she had been sleeping in. "Do you have any idea what you've done to us?"

"What, the vacation? Oh come on Nanao. You need to learn how to relax and have some fun."

"Baka" Nanao muttered shaking her head. She looked over at the other person who was already wide awake. "Soi Fon, you want to help me out here?"

Soi Fon was actually heading towards the door when Nanao called out to her. She quickly looked back. "I will leave the task of taking care of the traitor in your capable hands"

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I need to go meet with lady Yoruichi" the captain replied.

"Oh" Nanao said slowly while a playful smirk formed on Matsumoto's face.

"It is just so we can discuss battle strategies about the upcoming winter war. Nothing else!" she added on quickly.

"Sure it is"

Soi Fon glared at Matsumoto as she headed out. "Hit her again for me"

"Gladly" Nanao said as she did so.

"Ow! Would you stop that already?"

"You promised Captain Yamamoto that two of us would be engaged to Ichigo within a month! There is no possible way that we can pull that off! What were you thinking?"

Masumoto blinked at her for a moment, before she began to laugh. Nanao began to look around the room for a bigger book to use on her.

"Wait, wait. Let me explain. I already have a foolproof plan to take care of that"

"Explain and do so very quickly" Nanao replied as she lifted up a very large encyclopedia up with both hands.

Nearby in the kitchen, Orihime was hard at work making breakfast for all her guests. Although, the word guest really was not the best term to describe them. The better choice would probably be freeloader since Orihime had never agreed to let them stay here. They had just invited themselves in. Still they were here now, so Orihime had no choice but to be a good hostess. Therefore, she was now making her yummy and nutritious red bean paste omelets. While she cooked, she couldn't help but overhear the conversation going on.

"Ichigo and Rukia are practically married already"

Orihime froze with a shocked look causing the fine china plate in her hands to slip out and fall to the floor breaking.

"Rukia is staying at the same house as him and the two of them are always working together. They even argue like a married couple. I figure that they like each other but are both to stubborn to admit it. They just need some gentle nudging. The only thing that would be an obstacle is Byakuya and he even told Rukia to go for it."

"That's…true" Nanao slowly admitted, "But he did not look very happy about it"

"Anyway" Matsumoto said with a bright smile as she held up two fingers. "On to wife, number two. Have you noticed the way Nemu has been acting lately?"

"You mean being quiet like she always is?"

"Well, okay yeah. But also, she is the only one of us who never complained or argued about being put on the get hitched with Ichigo scheme. Also during the meeting she was blushing a bit and kept looking at Ichigo the entire time with a smile"

Nanao blinked at this. "Wait, you're saying that…"

The busty girl formed a happy smile. "Yup. Our little Nemu-chan is growing up and has taken an interest in boys, specifically one certain orange haired sword fighter. Why, I bet even now she is thinking about what kind of up close and personal experiments she could conduct with Ichigo"

The rest of the china plates fell to the floor one after another making them a matching set once more.

"So you see we already have our two people all set"

Nanao groaned and rubbed her head at the so called foolproof plan. "Were you drunk when you thought of this?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe"

"Okay, so what happens if one of your wives ends up not working out?"

Matsumoto paused for a moment in thought. "If that ends up happening, well I'll just make the sacrifice for us and seduce Ichigo myself"

Before Nanao could reply, a swooshing noise was heard causing both of them to turn and look. Both of their eyes widened as a butcher knife was flying towards them. The blade missed and instead slammed into the nearby wall. The two of them stared at it, the black handle on it still quivering, before glancing back at the kitchen.

"I very sorry" Orihime cried out looking at them "The knife slipped from my fingers. Umm, breakfast will be finished in a few more minutes."

As Orihime turned back to finish the food, Matsumoto formed a knowing smile.

'_Hmm, I wonder how long it would take to get her registered as a shinigami'_

* * *

Ichigo awoke with a very loud groan. His floor was not at all comfortable and he now had a very annoying kink in his neck. At least fortune seemed to smile slightly on him as his father had not decided to use a drop kick on him as a wakeup call. It saved him having to come up with an excuse as to why he wasn't in his bed.

Speaking of his bed Ichigo got up off the floor and looked over at its new occupant. Judging from the fact that all the blankets and sheets were now twisted and in complete disarray, it seemed that Isane had tossed around a bit. Still the girl herself seemed to be content as she was now lying on top of the bed perfectly asleep with a bright and happy smile upon her face.

"Well, at least one of us got some rest" he muttered sourly.

Realizing that there wasn't much point at getting ticked off at someone that was still fast asleep, the boy decided to start getting ready. Just as he had pulled off the shirt he had on and was reaching for his school one, his door opened and Rukia walked inside.

"Ichigo, are you up yet? I think we need to…talk…"

Rukia froze as she took in the scene before. Normally she prided herself on looking at things in a calm and collective manner. However, the insane events of yesterday and the fact that her nii-sama was actually willing to go along with it pretty much destroyed all sense of normalcy in life. So instead, her brain processed the things in front of her as best as it could.

A shirtless Ichigo (wow, he is really buff). A messed up bed that belongs to said shirtless Ichigo. And a happy looking Isane lying in said bed that belonged to said Ichigo.

"Ichigo" Isane suddenly moaned out in her dreams not helping the deductive reasoning at all.

Jumping to the wrong conclusion in 3, 2, 1…

"Ichigo, I don't believe it. You…you…hentai!"

"What?" Ichigo said turning around as he suddenly saw Rukia's fist heading quickly towards his face.

* * *

Sosuke Aizen took a sip of his morning tea. Currently he was sitting on his throne in Hueco Mundo, a look of deep concentration on his face. Slowly he turned and looked over at his good friend and associate Kaname Tosen.

"Is it a tangible object?"

"No"

"Ah. Is it justice?"

The blind man quickly nodded. "Yes. You win again."

Aizen let out a small sigh. One would think that an evil mastermind would have better things to do then play twenty questions. But Aizen honestly didn't. After being a captain of soul society, he knew what not to do when running a large organization. Thus, with crucial management tools such as having a horizontal organization and streamlining departments, he was able to reduce both the amount of tasks and paperwork required. And it wasn't like he could use the Hogyoku to create Arrancar every single moment of the day. So, the former fifth captain really didn't have much to do at the moment.

Aizen then looked over at the other captain defector from Soul Society. "Gin, what's the current population of souls in Karakura town?"

Ichimaru Gin looked back at Aizen with his usual grin and slanted eyes as he picked up a pointer and aimed it at a large screen on the wall. A counter appeared on it and began to speed through numbers very quickly.

"The current population is…96227…no wait 96228. Wow, it just keeps going up!"

Another sigh came from Aizen. "Yes, but unfortunately we are still not up to the 100,000 souls I need to create my royal key. A pity"

"Hey Aizen, I got a question for yeah"

"Go ahead Gin"

"When is all this happening?"

"What do you mean?"

Gin pointed at the screen again and it changed showing a picture of a timeline of the important events in Bleach history.

"Is this before all the stuff in Hueco Mondo stuff with us kidnapping that Orihime girl, or is this sometime after all that?"

"Ah. The answer is quite simple Gin. Right now we are around the same time frame as the brand new Captain Syusuke Amagai arc"

Gin's grin faltered a tiny bit. "Who?"

"Exactly"

Before anymore questions of time and reality could be asked, a familiar Arrancar appeared in the room quickly bowing in front of Aizen. Aizen smiled back at him.

"Ah, Ulquiorra Schiffer. Have you come to join us for a rousing game of 20 questions?"

A blank look formed on Ulquiorra. "Err…no sir. I bring important news from the high ranking spy that we have within Soul Society"

Ulquiorra quickly passed a note to Aizen who began to read it over. As he did Gin pouted a bit.

"Hey, aren't you going to do that cool freaky thing with your eyeball to show us?"

The 4th espada's green eyes glared over at Gin but before anything could be said, the two were interrupted by the sound of Aizen chuckling.

"Well, now isn't this interesting? It seems that old Yamamoto is trying to prepare for the future. Ichigo Kurosaki is certainly one lucky young man"

"Will this interfere with our plans?" Tosen asked.

Aizen shook his head. "It is very unlikely. Although…"

A sly grin formed on his face as he suddenly thought of something to help alleviate his boredom.

"…two can always play at this game"

* * *

"What happened?" Isane asked surprised to find Ichigo sporting a black eye when she woke up.

"Rukia happened" Ichigo growled as he held an ice pack over his left eye. "She just barged in and attacked me for no reason"

"Really? She's always seem so nice and calm when I have been around her"

Ichigo glanced over at her. "You don't spend much time with her, do you?"

"Well, no." Isane moved over and inspected the injury. "It doesn't seem too bad. It'll probably heal in a day or two"

"Great" Ichigo muttered as he tossed the ice pack away, "I need to get a shower. Stay here"

Ichigo staggered out the room and towards the bathroom still grumbling about Rukia and his eye. Had he actually been paying less attention to that, he might have picked up on the fact that the shower was already running. Sadly, he didn't so he just opened the door and walked in.

Isane calmly went about tidying up the bed humming a bit when she suddenly heard shouting.

"Ichigo!"

"What the…Rukia?"

"What are you doing in here? Get out!"

"I'm sorry. It was an accident…"

"Get out! Get the hell out you pervert!"

"Wait…agghhh"

A minute later, Ichigo returned to his room. Isane winced as she looked over the state of Ichigo now. In addition to the black eye he now had a large bruise on the side of his head and a small gash just below it that was still bleeding a bit.

"That might take a few more days to heal. What did she hit you with?"

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Ichigo stared at her not looking very happy. "A bar of soap"

"...Okay. Err how many fingers am I holding up?"

Ichigo barely glanced at her hand. "Three"

"Well, at least you don't have a concussion" Isane said with a nervous laugh.

Ichigo turned and was about to respond to her when he heard a familiar beeping noise. Glancing over at the other end of his bed, he saw his shinigami badge blinking.

Isane stared at the badge a bit confused. "What does that mean?"

"There's a hollow nearby" Ichigo said as he grabbed the badge and transformed into his shinigami self, his regular body falling back on to the bed. "Perfect. I'm in the mood to kill something right now. Let's go"

Isane looked at him confused. "You want me to come with you?"

Ichigo looked back at her, almost already to his window. "Yeah, you are a shinigami right?"

"Yes, but…"

Ichigo seized her arm pulling her along. "Let's go then. Besides, between a Hollow and a ticked off Rukia, the Hollow is the lesser of the two evils"

* * *

If a person was asked to describe Retsu Unohana with just one word, the most common one would be kind. It came with her nature truthfully. She was the 4th division captain, a healer first and foremost. Her concern was to treat the wounded and make sure everyone lived. Besides this, there was the way she treated her subordinates, much like the way a mother treats her own children. Captain Unohana was known as the captain who showed respect and concern for all members of her division. That and the fact that she never yelled at them made her one of the most well liked captains around. Yes, captain Unohana was a kind and caring woman who never showed any anger against anyone.

Therefore, her office was forced to suffer the full brunt of her rage.

The once neat and tidy work place now looked like it had suffered from a couple of hollow attacks. Bookcases with medical texts were toppled over and never fixed up. The walls and ceiling had large dents from where chairs had been thrown into them. Below each mark, the leftover debris of the chairs could be seen. Unohana's large desk had probably suffered the worst. It had broken in half from the spot where she had punched it. As well the surface was littered was various ink and tea stains coming from pens and cups that the captain had crushed in her hands.

As most of her squad had figured out already, Captain Unohana was not exactly happy about the marry Ichigo mission. The captain had nothing personal against Ichigo; she thought he was a wonderful boy and was thankful for all the times he had helped them. The key word though was boy. Unohana was not interested in a relationship right now let alone marriage and certainly not to someone so much younger then herelf. So for the first time in about 50 years or so, she was truly pissed.

A tentative and light knock came on the office door. Unohana glanced up from her paperwork.

"Please enter," she said politely as another pen broke apart in her hands.

Hanataro Yamada shuffled nervously into the room. When Isane had left, Hanataro had been elected to pass any messages along to the captain. The main reason was because the other squad members bullied him into it. However on the off chance that Unohana did snap, Hanataro had a decent chance of being spared since he provided the captain with her favorite makeup.

"Umm hello captain," he said cautiously. "I'm here to report that everyone in the 4th is still trying to find a loophole in the laws to get you out of this. So far, they haven't had any luck"

"That is disappointing" his captain responded sadly as she looked for something else to crush.

"But…umm I did happen to hear a rumor while I was out cleaning the sewers"

Hanataro handed over a sheet of paper that had his findings on it. Unohana took it and began to read it over. As she did, a genuine smile formed on her face.

"Oh Hanataro, this is perfect. Excellent work! Keep this up and I just might have to promote you to third seat"

"Wha?" Hanataro's eyes grew wide in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes. Now I need you to do me one more small favor. Arrange a meeting with this person for me. I believe that we will have much to discuss"

* * *

Isane landed back in Ichigo's room. The orange haired boy was right behind her and not very pleased judging by the very large glare etched on his face.

"What was that out there?"

Isane flinched from the loud voice, "I'm sorry"

"That Hollow nearly killed you. And it was a regular Hollow at that. I could understand if it was a Menos Grande or five or six of them attacking together but that was just a regular old Hollow. How could you let one of those get the drop on you?"

"Well, that's what I was trying to tell you before," Isane said shuffling her feet a bit. "It's been a while since I've had to fight any hollows so I'm a bit rusty. I'm the lieutenant of the 4th division. We specialize in healing so we don't have to fight as much. And…"

"And what?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, I'm usually with captain Unohana and whenever she starts speaking with our enemies, they usually get scared and end up running away"

"They run away?" Ichigo repeated with a look of disbelief on his face. "You're kidding"

"No, it's true"

Ichigo stared hard at Isane's terrified face a moment. "Wait. I remember you now"

"Huh?"

"When I was rescuing Rukia, you were one of the people that tried to stop me. I defeated you in a couple of seconds without even using my sword. No offence but you're really not that good"

A look of embarrassment formed on Isane's face. "You don't have to be so mean about it"

"Yeah, well its better that you know so I don't have to worry about you getting yourself killed out there!" Ichigo shot back.

Isanewas about to shout back but paused. _'Wait, he was worried about me out there?'_

Ichigo took a deep breath, "Look, there are a lot of hollows that come here and some of them end up being really powerful. You need to be ready all the time to face them otherwise you'll get really injured or worst"

"I know. I really didn't mean for that one to get so close. It was an accident"

"Yeah, well then we're just going to have to do something about you being rusty"

Isane looked up at Ichigo who now had a grin, one that made her nervous. "Umm…what?"

"You are going to spar with me. A few fights and we'll get you fighting skills back into shape in no time"

Isane just stared at him. Ichigo Kurosaki, the ryoka who had gained bankai in record time and had fought the likes of Captain Zaraki and Captain Kuchiki and actually won wanted to fight against her, the lowly lieutenant of the medical division. Was he insane?

"Well, I wouldn't want to trouble you..." Isane started trying to sound polite.

"It's no problem. We'll work something out later" Ichigo said as he went back into his regular body. "Right now, I need to go talk someone so I will see you later."

"Oh…alright"

Ichigo headed out of his room still a bit sore from his head injuries while thinking to himself.

'_Okay the girl is nice enough but there's no way I can deal with a month of this. I have to put an end to this thing now'_

* * *

Nemu Kurotsuchi was confused at the moment. That fact alone was confusing to her as she was pretty sure that she had been programmed so that she could not be confused. The main reason for this new feeling was due shockingly to Ichigo. Months ago Nemu had made an error in shooting Ichigo with a dart that made every single female in a five male radius go after him. After reviewing the events, Nemu had come to the conclusion that Ichigo did not like this. Still despite her error, Ichigo did not blame her nor did he insult her or hit her which was the usual response from her captain. Instead Ichigo focused his anger on Mayuri and was actually nice to her. It was something that she found peculiar.

Since the incident, Nemu had also noticed a few changes in her personality. From time to time her mind would drift back on the incident thinking primarily on Ichigo. Her alertness and audio reception would increase by 18% whenever his name was brought up. And just the other day when she saw the ryoka in person, Nemu suddenly felt a bit nervous and had a weird uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. A self diagnosis had revealed nothing wrong and so far the girl had not been able to form any accurate hypothesis.

Had Nemu bothered to ask any other female, she would have been told that she had a crush and the scientific mystery could have been brought to a close.

"Pay attention when I'm speaking to you!"

A harsh hit to the face brought Nemu out of her thoughts and back into the glaring face oh her captain.

"Mayuri-sama, I…"

Mayuri didn't bother to listen as he hit Nemu again, this time with such force that the girl was knocked on to the floor.

"You ungrateful little bitch. Did you think I would not notice it?" the mad scientist captain roared out as he paced back and forth through the lab. "Those looks were you were giving the ryoka like some sort of lovesick puppy. Do you realize how pathetic and stupid that made you look? And by comparison that it made me look just as bad? Answer me you reject!"

Nemu stood quickly back up and lowered her head in shame. No words would be a good enough reason for her failure so the only thing left was to be silent and await her punishment.

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood today Nemu. So much that I've decided to help you"

Nemu looked up in disbelief at her father's kind words. Nearby several over workers stopped what they were doing wondering if this was a sign of the apocalypse that they were witnessing.

Nemu formed a bright smile at her captain. "Thank you..."

Mayuri quickly hit her with another slap. "Shut up and inject this into your stomach."

A small syringe was shoved into Nemu's hand. The lieutenant looked at it uncertainly getting a bad feeling.

"Is this another love potion like the last one?"

"Of course not! It's a simple sample of the Kurosaki boy's DNA"

And once more the confusion was back as a blank look appeared on Nemu's face.

"You see Nemu, things such are love and romance are nothing more then simple chemical reactions that are foolish and a waste of time and effort. My method is much simpler. You inject yourself with that DNA, I make a few modifications to your body and you're pregnant with that boy's child. You complete this stupid mission and after 9 months, maybe even 3 if I inject the correct drugs to speed up the birthing process, I will get a delight new test subject…err grandchild. Why yes I can just picture it now"

_"Grandpa, grandpa"_

_Mayuri turned away from his experiment, a look of annoyance etched on his face. He stared down at the small figure running towards him. Even though the person was only about two feet tall, he looked identical to the 12th division captain with the same white face and freakish eyes and mouth. The only real difference was the top of the small boy's head, which had a messy mop of orange hair._

_"Mayuri junior! What have I told you about interrupting me while I am working?"_

_The young boy looked down in shame. "I'm sorry. I just completed a new experiment and I wanted to show you. That's all"_

_"…Fine. What is it?"_

_Mayuri jr. smiled and held up his right hand. Suddenly four inch long claws burst out of each finger, the end of them curved slightly. Mayuri roughly grabbed the hand and looked over the claws closely._

_"It's a very basic and simple design. Still, it's not completely worthless. And is that poison I see on the tips of the claws?"_

_"Yup," his grandson nodded, "I'm going to surprise daddy with them by slashing out his throat. Then I'm going to dissect him just like you taught me!"_

_"Hahahahaha" Mayuri bent down and ruffled his grandson's hair. "That's my boy"_

_"I love you grandpa!"_

"Anyway, hurry up and inject that" Mayuri said waving for her to follow him. "Nemu?"

Mayuri looked back to see Nemu nowhere in sight and the syringe lying on the floor unusrd. Akon, one of the head researchers, looked over at him.

"She walked away while you were having your fantasy sir"

"What!? Nemu, get the hell back here!"

* * *

Ichigo stood staring at the structure in front of him. Truthfully, he did not want to come here. Nothing good ever came from coming here. But at the moment there wasn't much choice. Ichigo knew he had to find a way to get out of this marriage thing before it got to out of control. And the number of people that Ichigo knew that could help deal with Soul Society was a short list. So unfortunately, Ichigo had to come here.

Sensing his spiritual presence, the figure Ichigo was here to see came and stepped outside. He looked back at Ichigo waiting.

"I need your help" Ichigo muttered.

The man placed his cane on the ground as he titled up his green and white stripped bucket hat to get a better look at Ichigo.

"Sure thing Ichigo. You've come to the right place" Kisuke Urahara smiled as he beckoned Ichigo to come inside.


	4. Man Without a Plan

It was an all too familiar scene for Ichigo. A small table inside the Urahara shop with pillows surrounding it. Ichigo was sitting at one end of the table while the shopkeeper himself sat down at the other end. Urahara was a source of information for pretty much every new threat and enemy that came along. Ichigo was use to talking to Mr. Hat and Clogs about such things by now. Still, wanting to ask how to get out Soul Society weddings would be a new one.

"Ichigo, I know why you have come here today" Urahara stated before the young man could even opened his mouth.

Ichigo blinked in surprise. "You do? How?"

"It's obvious. However I'm afraid that my answer must be no"

"Now hold on a minute. I…"

"I'm very sorry Ichigo but I can not give you my blessings to date Ururu"

"……what?"

Urahara couldn't help but chuckle at the look on Ichigo's face. "I feel that Ururu is still a bit young to be going on dates. Also I wouldn't want her heart to be broken by a notorious skirt chaser like you"

At the moment Ururu walked into the room carrying a tray with tea on it for the two people. She set it down and cast a brief glance at Ichigo causing her cheeks to blush a small bit. Before any words could be said, she hurried back out of the room.

"Urahara that is not why I came here"

"Or is it perhaps the sassy Ririn that has caught your eye?"

"Hi there Ichigo," the blonde haired mod soul said in greeting as she came into the room wearing her usual pink fur lined coat.

"Go away"

"Jerk" Ririn muttered back sticking out her tongue as she stomped off.

"You might want to work on your pick up lines" the shopkeeper suggested.

"I'm here for you to help me get out of this whole marriage scheme!"

Urahara titled his bucket hat as he looked back at him. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? All these girls are going to ruin my life if I don't get rid of them soon!"

"Ichigo, I'm going to be blunt here. I strongly believe that you suffer from gynophobia"

Ichigo's look of anger slowly shifted into one of confusion.

"It means a fear of women"

"I am not scared!"

"Are you sure about that Ichigo?" Urahara asked calmly. "I know you don't want to be married but so what? If they ask you, all you have to do is politely say no. Think about it this way. If any other man was told that he could spend an entire month around a group of very attractive single women, he would probably be jumping for joy and praising whatever god he worships. You, on the other hand, are running away from them and coming to people like me to help you get rid of them. Thus, you are scared"

"Damn you" Ichigo growled as Urahara took over the top spot in Ichigo's people to kill list.

Kisuke held his hands up. "Now, hold on Ichigo. Don't kill me just yet. I can help you get over this fear. In fact, I've even arranged for an expert to personally train you"

"Who's that?" Ichigo asked knowing he would regret it. A pair of dark skinned hands wrapped around his body from behind giving him an answer.

"Hello there Ichigo"

* * *

"I demand that you let me in here immediately!"

Standing directly in front of the door to the shop, Tessai was unmoving from his spot despite the amount of killing intent coming from the person before him. "I'm very sorry miss but there is a private meeting going on at this moment and it has been requested by the manager that no one disturbs them"

"Do you realize who I am and how easy it would be for me to have you assassinated?" Soi Fon yelled.

"Yes"

"It's the ryoka boy isn't it? It's not bad enough that he has been offered the ladies of Soul Society but he must also try to put the moves on the honorable Yoruichi-sama. How dare he!"

"I am not at liberty to say," Tessai replied, "But I will inform Yoruichi that you are looking for her"

"See that you do" Soi Fon muttered as she turned around, "Or else"

As the 2nd division captain walked away, Tessai remarked. "Oh I must say that is a very lovely dress you have on"

Soi Fon paused looking at the dress she had on. It was a pure silk white off the shoulders piece with frills that went down to her feet. Of course it was a lovely dress. But it was meant for the eyes of Yoruichi-sama, not some mere store worker. As she leapt away, Soi Fon had one thought on her mind. Ichigo was dead if he dared tried to lay a hand on Yoruichi.

* * *

"Yoruichi, what are you doing here?" Ichigo asked nervously as he tried to pry the cat woman's hands off his body to no avail.

"I'm here to help you get over your fear of women silly" Yoruichi said as she leaned her head in on the side of Ichigo's and licked his ear.

"Hey, don't do that!"

Yoruichi laughed. "You need to relax Ichigo. That's going to be lesson one. Come on, I know some nearby hot springs that we can go to. A good soak will get rid of all your worries"

"A wonderful idea" Urahara said happily, "You two go have fun now"

'_Yoruichi…hot springs…nudity…not good'_ Ichigo's brain screamed.

Not wanting to wait, Yoruichi began to pull Ichigo along with her when suddenly Ichigo leapt out of his body in his shinigami form. Not wasting a second he turned and sped off fleeing from the pair leaving his human body behind.

Yoruichi sighed as she played with Ichigo's hair. "I think his flash step skills have improved considering how fast he ran"

"Hmm, do you think we came on a bit too strong?" Urahara asked.

"Of course not. I was even going to keep a towel on while we were at the hot springs"

"You were?"

"Well, at least until lesson two" Yoruichi grinned.

Six blocks away, Ichigo finally felt it was safe enough to stop. "Damn it! I should have known sandal-hat wouldn't help me. Okay, who else is there? Maybe Chad or Ishida could help. I wonder where they are right now."

* * *

"Okay class. I hope you are ready for this exam as it's worth 40% of your final grade. So if you didn't study or for whatever reason you're not here, then you're pretty much screwed"

Everyone in the classroom nodded well aware the importance of this test and quickly got their supplies on their desk. Well everyone except Ichigo who wasn't there and currently being represented by an empty desk.

"Where is he?" Ishida hissed over to Chad who just shook his head indicating that he had no idea.

Orihime slowly turned around and looked at Rukia who was sitting behind her. "Rukia, do you know where Kurosaki-kun is today?"

Rukia snorted. "I have no idea Orihime. If I had to guess, he probably decided to stay in bed with the girl he was with last night"

"Kurosaki…did…that?" The poor girl looked like she was about to faint on the spot.

Sadly for Rukia (and even more so for Ichigo), she had just spoken a few decimals too high causing everyone else in the classroom to hear what she just said.

"What?" Almost everyone else in the class screamed out together.

Ishida and Chad were in a state of shock and wide eyed much like they were yesterday when they heard about Ichigo. Tatsuki turned around and looked at Rukia in disbelief.

"No way"

Keigo went as far as to leap on top of his desk in a state of panic. "You mean to tell me that Ichigo got laid last night?" he screamed out alerting even more people within the school.

"That's not a very responsible thing to do on the night before a big test" Mizuiro remarked calmly while setting a pencil on his desk.

"How can you be so casual about this?"

"Keigo get down from there and everybody shut up!" The sensei waited until everyone was quiet again before speaking again. "Now like all of you I'm very excited to hear about Kurosaki's love life. However he is still not here which means that he fails. So let's get started on those exams shall we?"

* * *

'_Gay'_

"Hmm, I guess I could go check their houses" Ichigo said to himself.

'_Gay' _

"Inoue's home is enemy territory right now so that's not an option"

'_You're gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay…'_

"Oh, shut up already!"

Ichigo blinked in annoyance and when he opened his eyes he found himself face to face to with a white version of himself with gold colored eyes.

"Hey there king, long time no see" Ichigo's inner hollow greeted cheerfully.

"I don't have time for this"

"Yes, you do king" the hollow was completely serious as he gripped Ichigo's shoulders as hard as possible. "I know that you are attracted to guys but the female gender is actually better. They have boobs"

"Shut up" Ichigo forced the hollow's arms away. "Why the hell would you care anyway?"

"Duh, I'm a part of you. Anything you experience, I get to feel as well. Including sex"

Ichigo groaned at the wide grin that was on the hollow's face.

"Come on king. Last time, you were bitching that all the girls were not themselves so we weren't allowed to do them. This time, there are no excuses. The boobs are out there waiting for us Ichigo. The only thing stopping it is that you're a prude"

Ichigo slugged the hollow knocking him down. "Forget it. It's never going to happen"

At that moment, a rumbling was heard and a light rain began to fall on the horizontal buildings of Ichigo's mindscape.

"Oh great, you set him off"

Ichigo turned around to see the spirit of his zanpakuto standing on a pole sticking out from one of the buildings.

"Ichigo"

"Old man Zangetsu"

Zangetsu's dark cloak and hair swished in the wind as the light drizzle continued to fall. "Ichigo, to become strong one must continue to work hard. Still, strength is meaningless if one continues to end up alone for eternity"

Ichigo stared closely at the spirit's face. "Hey, are you crying?"

"…no"

"I really hate you king" hollow Ichigo growled as he picked himself up, "If you don't get jiggy with it soon, I'm going to take over. You hear me?"

Ichigo turned to shout back at the hollow but then paused in thought. Suddenly a simple smile appeared on his face. "Fine"

"You mean you're actually going to listen to me?" the hollow asked hopefully

"Nope. But you did give me an idea on how to get out of this whole thing. So thanks"

Ichigo disappeared from his mind and right away, the rainfall began to become stronger.

"Crap"

In another section of town, there exists a run down abandoned warehouse. But this was no ordinary warehouse. For in reality, it was the secret base of that incredible group of hollow powered shinigami better known as the Vizards.

Currently the leader of this group Hirako Shinji was hard at work reading a magazine while stretched out across a couch. Still, he did take notice when he heard the warehouse door open suddenly while everyone was already here, something that does not happen too often with a secret base. The blonde haired man got up and headed towards the door with the rest of the Vizard following right behind him. The group was surprised to see a serious looking Ichigo waiting for them.

"Yo Ichigo, what's up?"

Ichigo looked over the entire group of eight. "My hollow is attempting to take over once more" he stated gravely, "I need to stay here and train for the next month to get it back under control"

* * *

Isane was quite bored at the moment. There wasn't really much to do in Ichigo's bedroom with its normal resident not around. The room had a few mangas and fashion magazines lying around which more then likely belonged to Rukia since Ichigo didn't seem like the romance reading, dress wearing sort of guy. That had managed to elevate a bit of time. Still other then that, the only thing to do here was speak with Kon and doing that just made her feel less bad about using violence on him whenever he did or said something perverted.

"Isane" A voice called out to her. Isane jumped off the bed in surprise as she was pretty sure that Kon had fallen down the stairs after her last throw.

"Nemu?" Isane asked not expecting to see the 12th division lieutenant. "What are you doing here?"

Nemu looked calmly back at the other girl, her hands folded in front of her. "I need to speak with Ichigo. Is he here?"

"Sorry he isn't. He left a while ago and didn't say when he would be back"

"I see" A pause. "Would you mind if I stayed here and awaited his return?"

"I guess it would be okay" Nemu promptly walked over and sat on the bed next to Isane.

"Err, is there anything wrong?"

"Mayuri-sama wishes for me to have a child with Ichigo so he could study the offspring…"

"Oh, so he's in agreement with the marrying Ichigo plan then?"

"…via artificial insemination" Nemu finished.

Isane was quiet for a few moments wondering if Nemu had suddenly developed a warped sense of humor. The emotionless look on her face answered that question. "What?!"

"Mayuri-sama already has the procedure set up and is ready to begin," Nemu explained. "Still, I felt that it was important that Ichigo first be informed of his pending fatherhood"

"Captain Kurotsuchi can't do this!" Isane cried out angrily. "It's unethical and he can't force you to do such a thing"

"But it is what he wishes of me" Nemu responded simply. Isane was about to express her feelings on that statement when Nemu broke her train of thought. "Why is that person standing there in the doorway?"

Isane looked around in surprise at the young black haired girl that was there.

Karin hadn't meant to be at her home very long. She was just going to run in, grab her soccer ball which she had forgotten that morning and run back to the soccer field for practice. And that would have been what had happen except she had heard voices coming from her brother's room. Now Karin was a smart girl and knew not to take stupid risks. She figured that she would take a quick peek at the thieves that were in her house and then quickly run to the nearest phone and call the cops. So she looked in Ichigo's room only to be surprised by the fact that it was two women talking and they were both wearing the same black robes that she had seen Ichigo in before.

Isane walked closer to Karin and looked the unmoving girl over trying to figure out what she was staring at us. She then glanced back at Nemu. "I'm not sure. We're in our shinigami forms though so it's not like she can see or hear us"

"Yes I can"

Those words caused Isane to whirl right back around and stare directly at Karin's face who was staring right back at her. A bead of sweat slid down her forehead "You can see me?"

"Hi there" Karin replied in a friendly yet quite serious tone. The young Kurosaki looked back and forth for the nervous Isane to the still calm Nemu sitting on the bed. "Oh don't mind me. Please continue on about how you are going to have my brother's child and I'm going to become an aunt"

A fountain of sweat was now coming off of Isane. _'Okay Isane, stay calm. It's not good to panic just because she can see you. You are a seated officer. We were given training in the academy for this sort of thing. All you have to do is stay calm and think rationally'_

"Run!" Isane screamed as she turned around and raced towards the window grabbing Nemu's arm and dragging her along. As they both leaped out, Karin ran towards the window and watched them disappear from sight.

"Hey, get back here!"

* * *

Orihime walked out of the school, a look of defeat on her face. The battle for Kurosaki-kun's heart had already been lost and she had not even had a chance to fight for it. So down was the girl, she failed to realize that her best friend was walking beside her.

"Orihime, stop being so sad" Tatsuki told her.

Orihime turned and looked at Tatsuki, "But Kurosaki-kun…"

"He was probably just sick or something. Rukia was just making a dumb joke. You don't really believe what she said, do you?"

"You think it was just a joke?" A look of hope formed on the girl's face.

"Of course" Tatsuki smirked. "This is Ichigo we are talking about. More then likely, he doesn't even know how to do that"

Orihime laughed nervously "I guess you are right. I'm just worried because of how many girls are after Kurosaki-kun right now"

"Come on. It can't be that many people"

"Yes, it is. And worse of all, most of them are staying at my house"

Tatsuki stopped in her tracks and looked back at her friend. "Wait, what?"

Orihime looked at her and was just about to explain when without warning she was attacked from behind.

"Oh my hime" Chizuru cried out as she hugged her long time crush. "What's the matter?"

"Hello Chizuru" Orihime said a bit nervous as the red haired lesbian began to fondle her chest.

"Get off her!" Tatsuki yelled as she hit the girl on the head and yanked her away from Orihime's breasts. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

Chizuru adjusted her glasses and glared back at Tatsuki. "I'm here to comfort her obviously"

"Idiot! She doesn't need that sort of comforting"

"Well I beg to differ"

"Well Orihime is my friend and as long as I am around her, that's never going to happen" Tatsuki cracked her knuckles. "You got that?"

Before the squabble could continue, Orihime spoke up "I think that I'm just going to head home. I'll see you guys later"

Tatsuki looked at her friend's sad face. "Orihime, are you sure that you are okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine" the girl replied before heading away.

Tatsuki didn't believe that for a second. She watched as Orihime left while using an arm to restrain Chizuru so she wouldn't follow. _'Ichigo, you had better not have had something to do with making Orihime like this. Otherwise, I will make you pay'_

* * *

If Rukia hadn't been mad before, she was now. Thanks to her accidental outburst, the entire school had been pestering with questions the rest of the day. Who was the mystery woman that Ichigo slept with? Was she hot? And most frequently: was Rukia jealous and going to fight to win back the love of her man? Yes, it was not a pleasant day for the Kuchiki girl. One that only got worse as she received a message from her brother.

"Rukia" the voice of Byakuya said through the tiny hell butterfly, "The elders would like to have an update on your mission. Have you managed to get the boy to agree to a marriage yet? Remember that this is vital for the sake of the clan. I have heard that common folk have a term used in relationships, something that is known as putting out. You may have to give up a little of your honor and try such a thing in order…"

The rest of the message was lost as Rukia crushed the tiny insect in her palm. She was starting to wonder what her sister saw in that guy in the first place.

"Rukia"

Rukia looked over in surprise to see Isane and Nemu landing before her, Isane looking quite nervous. How nice. It was the one person she did not want to see today.

"Hello there Isane. Lovely day isn't it?" Rukia's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Did you have a good night's sleep?"

'"It was alright. But Rukia, we have a bit of a problem…"

"Oh I'm sure it was a good sleep," Rukia interrupted. "That bed must have been so warm. Especially with all that extra body heat you had"

"Extra body heat? What are you talking about?"

"I think you know!"

"It was just a regular bed. Yeah, it was comfortable but I felt bad about Ichigo having to sleep on the floor"

"That's right; Ichigo was……sleeping on the floor?"

"Yeah, he let me have his bed" Isane stared at Rukia trying to figure out why she was so angry. "Wait, you didn't think that something happened…"

"Of course not" Rukia responded before wisely changing the subject. "So you said there was a problem?"

Isane nodded and quickly explained what had happened at the house followed by Nemu informing her of her special announcement. Rukia immediately swore following this. Yup, it was defiantly not a pleasant day.

* * *

"Come on, keep up the pace you weakling" Hiyori shouted out to Ichigo as she was currently overseeing his training.

Ichigo glared back at the blonde pigtailed hair girl in the red jogging suit. The midget's idea of training was to have him run on a treadmill. Or she called it, the Hiyori Ultra Treadmill. It was completely idiotic and Ichigo knew it. Still he had been doing it for the last four hours non stop, reminding himself that this was better then the alternative.

'_It's just for a month. It's just for a month'_ He kept repeating inside his head.

"Why are we even bothering to help him" Kensei muttered sitting on a nearby crate. "We have more important things to be doing with our time"

"What things are those?" Ushoda Hachigen asked calmly as the large man took a sip of tea.

"Well, like…" Kensei paused realizing he couldn't actually think of anything. "Crap. Do we just sit around here all day and do nothing?"

"Hey Kensei," Mashiro called out, "How come your so grumpy today?"

"I'm not. I'm always like this"

"Well, that's even worse"

"Shut up you!"

The green haired girl just laughed and made her way over to Hiyori who was still keeping a constant eye on Ichigo's running. She looked at Ichigo and then back at her fellow vizard.

"Hey Hiyori, are you checking out Berry-tan's butt?"

Hiyori turned and gave her an annoyed look. "No!"

"Why not? His butt is really cute"

Ichigo ignored all the comments as he focused on his running which was both female and injury free. Shinji's smile grew wider as he couldn't resist anymore.

"Hey Ichigo, I got a question for yeah"

"What?"

"When is the wedding going to be?"

Ichigo stared over at Shinji in shock causing him to forget about running on treadmill which then caused him to go flying off of it.

"You are inviting all of us, right Ichigo? I mean we're all good friends so we want to be there on your special day. Of course since you got so many girls to choose, I guess you might need multiple ceremonies"

"How the hell do you know about that?" Ichigo screamed as he pointed an accusing finger out at the group.

"Oh we have our sources" Shinji replied. "By the way Ichigo. My hollow is trying is trying to take over again. That's really the best excuse that you were able to come up with?"

"Hold on a second. If you knew that I was lying, why did you have me run on that stupid treadmill?"

"We wanted to see how long you would actually keep it up dumbass" Hiyori sneered.

A second passed and Hiyori quickly ducked to avoid the treadmill that was thrown at her. The machine kept flying and struck Shinji in the head instead.

"Hey, look what you did to the Hiyori Ultra Treadmill!" Hiyori yelled out.

"I don't give a damn about you stupid piece of crap machine!" Ichigo roared back.

"That's it. You're dead!"

Hiyori plucked off one of her sandals and processed to assault Ichigo with it. As the fight was breaking out, Love glanced up from his latest Shonen Jump magazine.

"Ichigo doesn't seem like he wants to be around all those girls," he remarked. "I wonder why?"

His good buddy Rose ran a few fingers through his long blonde hair. "Do you think that he might be gay?"

"Nah. Maybe he's just nervous because he has no experience with girls"

"Possibly"

"Wait I know. We'll give him some of Lisa's porn magazines. He can use them as a sort of an instruction manual when he's with the girls"

"That's a wonderful idea"

"Hey you jerks!" Lisa screamed looking up from one of said magazines, "Don't go agreeing to give my stuff away without asking my permission first!"

"Hachi, get a barrier up" Kensei ordered as he noticed that Ichigo and Hiyori were beginning to fight with their swords.

"Right" Hachi quickly got to work setting up a basic barrier.

"What's the matter?" Hiyori taunted as her sword clashed with Ichigo's blade in a shower of sparks. "Is the little baby scared of being around girls?"

"Shut the hell up and stand still you freaking midget!"

Gripping Zangetsu with both hands, Ichigo swung the massive blade in a horizontal arc. Hiyori quickly leaped back just barely dodging the attack. Or at least it seemed like she had dodged.

A ripping noise caused a halt to the fight as both fighters stopped and the rest of vizards looked around trying to find the source. A long cut suddenly appeared on the waistband of Hiyori's jogging pants. The garment stayed like that for a split second before breaking apart completely and falling down around her feet.

Everyone was silent, staring at the sight before them. Ichigo was staring even more then the rest as he was the closest and had an unobstructed up close view. Hiyori, the very high tempered and aggressive vizard was wearing a pair of white panties with cutesy pink flowers all over them.

Hiyori was also silent as she looked down and realized what had just happened. She looked back up at Ichigo as her eyes narrowed and her hollow mask began to form over her face.

"Hachi, increase the barrier to the maximum level. Now!" Shinji ordered finally snapping out of it.

"Raaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

The vizard group suddenly ducked as Ichigo's body went flying overhead past them breaking through one of the walls of the warehouse and from the sounds of it also through the barrier outside as well.

"Oh never mind. It's too late" Shinji said as he turned and looked at the newly created hole in the building. "See you later Ichigo!"

* * *

Aizen formed a bright and cheerful smile at the group of Arrancar before him. They were a select group hand picked for this very important mission that he had only thought of a few hours ago. First and foremost was Halibel an outstanding espada who would serve as the commander for this mission. Even now, she was silent and stood perfectly still awaiting orders. It was a shame that the same thing could not be said for her Fraccion. Even with Aizen currently present, Apache and Mila-Rose were arguing while Sun-Sun was trying to break it up.

One of the other Fraccion there was the one belonging to Stark better known as Lilinette. The young looking girl was currently bouncing around a bit as if she had too much sugar, caffeine, or a combination of both. Next to her were Loly and Menoly who were both much calmer. Still the smile on the dark haired Loly's face to Aizen just screamed out fangirl to the leader. Near the back of the group was the final member, Cirucci Thunderwitch. Normally, Aizen never used the Privaron Espada for anything important but for this mission he made an exception as more people involved meant a greater chance for success.

"Thank you for all coming here" Aizen called out getting the group's attention. "I here to discuss a very important opportunity that has presented itself to us"

"You're going to let us form an Arrancar Women Association?" Lilinette called out.

"No, I'm sorry Lilinette. We still do not have enough funds in the budget for that" Aizen quickly lied. "No, I'm here to discuss on an issue involving the ryoka shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo. I trust that all of you are aware of him"

The group of women nodded having either seen a recording of him in action or heard his name mentioned in discussions before.

"Good. Now then, how would you all feel about being romantically involved with the boy?"

No response came as surprised and shocked looks appeared on all the Arrancar's faces.

"What?" Halibel finally managed to ask followed by the rest of the girls erupted in talks and protests.

"Silence!" Aizen yelled out. "Let me explain. I have been thinking"

_'This can't be good'_ several of the women thought simultaneously.

"Currently, we are doing well in our preparations and battles against soul Society and their allies. But, what shall we do about the future?"

"The future?" Loly asked confused.

Ten minutes later the group of females left the meeting, most not looking as happy when they first entered. Following Aizen's explanation of his idea for the future, all of them had argued it and tried to come with excuses to get out of it, which Aizen politely shot down one after another. There had even been a brief attempt by Cirucci to kill their leader. Still, when it was all said and done, the group was off to prepare for a trip to Karakura town for the mission. A mission ensuring that there would be future generations of powerful Arrancar. A mission with an objective summarized in just two words. Seduce Ichigo.

* * *

Ichigo groaned as he along the street, the sun quickly setting. Sadly he was in even more pain today then when he first left. Hiyori's little punch more then likely broke his jaw and on top of Rukia's early injuries, his face now looked like hell. Oh well, he would just have to tell his family that he had been in a fight with a gang today or something.

After finally climbing back out the warehouse he crashed into, Ichigo had made his way back to the Urahara shop. There in a mighty display of espionage skill and sheer speed, he managed to get his human body back and escape from the place alive. Now he was almost back home after learning a very valuable lesson today.

Every potential ally he had was an idiot and he was completely on his own.

As he finally reached his house, Ichigo froze in place as he saw the one thing he didn't want to see right now. Rukia was standing outside the front door waiting for him, an unreadable expression on her face.

'_Ah crap, she wants to finish killing me' _Ichigo debated running as the smaller girl started moving towards him.

"What the hell happen to you?" Rukia asked as she reached him. "How do you get yourself so beat up?"

Ichigo blinked in surprise when Rukia didn't continue hitting him as he expected but instead had a look over the newer injuries on his face.

"If I wasn't around, you would probably dead from your own stupidity. Let's go get those wounds you have treated"

Ichigo stood standing in the same spot. "Rukia, umm…about this morning…"

"Nothing happened"

"What?"

Rukia turned and looked back at him. "I said that nothing happened this morning. Nothing happened at all. That means that we never have to talk about this morning and I would not have to kill you because nothing happened. Got it Ichigo?"

Ichigo stared at the determined look on Rukia face daring him to disagree. He formed a smile at her. "Yeah, alright"

"Good"

Ichigo moved past Rukia and headed towards the door of his house.

"Wait, Ichigo. There's something else I need to talk to you about"

"Tell me inside. I'm exhausted" Ichigo muttered he turned the knob, pulled opened the door and was promptly greeted with a boot to the face knocking him down.

"Ichigo" Kurosaki Isshin glanced down at his son with a displeased look, "You're late for supper. Also, you look like crap"

Ichigo leapt back to his feet and responded with a punch to his father's face causing him to go flying back into the home and crash into a wall. "Greet me like a normal person would for once, you crazy old man!"

Isshin formed a small grin as he pulled himself back on to his feet. "You've kept the girls waiting for supper, you talk back to your father and your punch was weak. Oh my dearest Masaki, why must our son be such a failure?"

"Knock it off already" Ichigo grumbled as he walked into the living room. "Hey Yuzu, Karin. Sorry that I'm late"

Ichigo looked over the living room and then did a double take. Yuzu and Karin were there with one twin smiling and the other one scowling. That was the typical scene for those two girls and completely normal. Sadly those were not the girls Isshin was talking about as there was another pair in the room that were far from normal.

Nemu quickly stood up from her seat. At some point, the girl had traded in her shinigami uniform as she was now in a gigai wearing a white kimono shirt and a red hakama making her look like a miko. As she looked at Ichigo's face she smiled and bowed to him.

"Welcome home Ichigo-sama" she greeted.

Standing behind her was Isane who was both shaking like a leaf and blushing like crazy. She now had on a bright pink nurse's uniform with a small cap and in her opinion, an even smaller skirt.

"I'm so sorry" she cried out, "This wasn't my idea"

Ichigo didn't argue as he had a suspicion on whose idea this was. He turned around and gave a cold hard look at Rukia.

Rukia smiled back innocently, "I told you that we had to talk about something"


	5. Good Nemu Hunting

- A couple of hours earlier -

Isane shuffled nervously in the living room of the Kurosaki household with Nemu beside her and Rukia just in front of them. Across from them were Isshin, Yuzu, and Karin, the first two looking at them curiously, the last glaring angrily. Rukia had told them to let her do all the talking and Isane supposed she should trust her since she has had the most experience in this world. Still, she had no idea why she had to wear this stupid nurse's outfit.

"Rukia, my third daughter" Isshin cried out as he gave the small girl a big hug. "It is so good to see you. Who are your friends?"

Rukia looked over at them and then began sniffling trying to hold back the tears from flowing freely. "Oh Kurosaki family, it's horrible, dreadful, terrible. This is the greatest travesty that I ever heard. I need you to please listen to my tale of woe"

"Okay" Isshin said slowly.

Rukia turned and indicated Nemu in her miko outfit. "Nemu here is the head miko priestess of the Kurotsuchi shrine which is a top secret hidden temple. Sadly her father is a cruel and evil man who sold his daughter to evil American industrialists in exchange for money!"

"Mayuri-sama never did…" Nemu started to say before Rukia cut her off.

"No Nemu, don't try to dwell on those painful memories"

"…"

"Nemu didn't want to go with the industrials, as they were going to force her to film commercials for them every day for the rest of her life. Therefore, she ran away from her home. She had to leave behind all of her belongings as well as her cute and adorable kitty cat, Mr. Snuggles"

"No, not Mr. Snuggles. That poor kitty" Yuzu said sadly as a few tears slid down her face.

"Sadly Nemu's father sent his evil ninjas after her. It looked it was the end but then at the last possible second, Ichigo arrived on the scene. He ended saying some long winded heroic speech and somehow fought off the evil ninjas saving Nemu from her horrible fate. Because of that, she has now come here as she wishes to thank Ichigo and repay him for what he has done"

Rukia paused for a moment to gauge her audience's reaction. "And oh yeah, this is Isane. She's Nemu's best friend and personal nurse who ran away with her"

'_Did she only remember to mention me now?' _Isane wondered she waved nervously at the famiy.

"Oh come on" Karin rolled her eyes "You don't actually expect us to believe..."

Isshin held up a hand silencing his young daughter. "Karin, I will take care of this. Tell me, Nemu was it? When did all of these amazing and unbelievable events occur?"

Everyone looked at Nemu for a response. "Yesterday?" she suggested.

"Ah" Isshin muttered his face grave. "Well I must say I'm very disappointed. Disappointed in my stupid punk son for not telling me himself about his heroic actions! Oh Masaki, our boy is just like me. I'm so happy!"

"Oh you know Ichigo. He always wants to be modest" Rukia said with a small laugh

Yuzu walked over to Nemu. "I can't believe you had to go through so much. I'm going to cook a big dinner for you. What types of food do you like?"

"My body has been designed to process almost any substance and transform it into nourishment"

"Wow, was that some sort of special training?"

Isane and Karin both said nothing as they were too stunned that everyone else was actually buying this.

* * *

"So in closing" Rukia said as she finished explaining everything to Ichigo, "I think that I make a really great actress"

"More like my family is incredibly gullible" Ichigo grumbled as Isane wrapped a bandage around his damaged head. "Why did you do this Rukia?"

"Karin saw Nemu and Isane here while they were in their shinigami form. I had to come up with some sort of explanation for why they would be here. What should I have done?"

"Ignore Karin and pretend you don't know what she's talking about if she questions you! Or better yet, why didn't you just use that memory erasing device of yours?"

Rukia was about to shout back when she paused and actually thought about that. "You know, in all the excitement I forgot that I actually had that thing. Oops"

"Rukia" Ichigo growled out, "I don't think I have ever been this angry in my entire life"

"Actually, you might want to hold that thought. Nemu has something she wants to tell you"

Ichigo turned and looked over at Nemu who had been quiet this whole time. Nemu bowed formally before speaking.

"Ichigo-sama, I came here today to advice you of a forthcoming event that concerns you. In approximately nine months time, possibly three depending on the drugs Captain Kurosaki uses during the process, I will be giving birth to your child"

Ichigo's eyes went wide in disbelief. Everyone paused with hushed breath for his response. And kept waiting.

"Ichigo?" Rukia asked just as the young man fainted on to the floor.

Isane quickly checked to make sure Ichigo was still breathing while Nemu looked on in surprise.

"Did I say something that caused him to break?"

* * *

"She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not."

One by one tiny flower petals drifted to the ground below. Chizuru sat alone on a park bench, a sad look on her face, as she plucked at the lone flower in her hand.

"She love me, she loves me not, she loves me, she…" the girl stopped realizing there was only one flower petal left. " She loves me not? No, it can't be true!"

The flower was crushed and tossed away by a now ticked off lesbian.

"Orihime does love me! I know it. My princess is just being blinded from my affection. And it's all thanks to my mortal enemy who keeps getting in the way. Damn you Tatsuki and your stupid martial arts skills!"

"Damn you shopkeeper and your stupid assistant shopkeeper!"

Chizuru blinked in surprise at hearing somebody else yell out. Turning her gaze to a nearby path, she saw Soi Fon marching towards her direction. The captain of the 2nd division was currently using her hands to life the white hem of her dress so she wouldn't trip while looking like she was going to kill the first thing that moved.

"How dare that man get in my way and interfere with true love? I'm the only one who truly understands and can relate to my precious Yoruichi–sama. She should be spending her time with me not some pitiful former captain who can't even get a haircut or wear proper clothes. And what the hell are you staring at?"

Chizuru flinched as Soi Fon turned her hard gaze directly at her. "Nothing, nothing," she quickly said, "It just sounded like you were having the same sort of girl problems as I am. Umm…would you like to talk about it?"

"No. Someone like you could never even hope to fathom my situation" Soi Fon said coldly as she turned and walked away.

"Fine but you don't have to be a jerk about it!" Chizuru yelled out.

Soi Fon just scoffed at the girl as she went on. How could her, an ordinary human girl, compare her issues to the emotional conflict that she was currently going through.

Wait.

Soi Fon turned around so fast that it startled Chizuru once more. As she looked the ordinary human girl over, Soi Fon's cute little assassin brain began to think up a cute little diabolical plot.

"Perhaps I was a bit too hasty," So Fon said as she formed a fake smile. "My apologies. I would actually like to talk to you for a bit if you don't mind"

Chizuru was confused by the sudden change in attitude but quickly nodded her head in agreement.

* * *

"Alright then" Ichigo said once more awake and with more bandages wrapped around his head, "Let's go over this one more time"

Nemu slowly nodded as Ichigo, Rukia, and Isane stared down at her.

"Here, I have some pictures drawn to serve as a visual aid" Rukia proclaimed happily holding up a bunch of drawings. She quickly flipped to the first one showing a family of happy bunnies.

Isane started "Now, Nemu in a normal family like this one, a father is somebody who loves and cares for everyone else in the family. He treats them nicely and with respect, not forcing them to do things they do not want to"

Rukia switched to a picture of a mad scientist rabbit.

"Captain Kurotsuchi on the other hand treats you like a servant, bossing you around, insulting you, and even hits you sometimes. That's the complete opposite of what a father is and should do. Do you understand so far Nemu?"

"Yes" Nemu responded as her brain analyzed the new information.

Ichigo started to grumble about what else Mayuri was but Rukia whacked him with her drawing pad to get him to shut up.

"Good" Isane said going on. "Now then in terms of pregnancy, a baby is created when a men and a woman truly love each other and engage in well certain activities…"

"I have studied and am quite familiar with the subject of sexual intercourse" Nemu responded as she stared straight at Ichigo and looked over his body.

"Oh alright," Isane said a bit relieved. "Captain Mayuri on the other hand wants to create the baby himself and make you pregnant without your consent. This is completely wrong and goes against every established rule and medical practice in soul society. Not like that psychopath would care about such a thing. I think he purposely breaks every rule on purpose. I mean the nutcase could have warned people that he was going to be releasing leftover chemicals into the air, instead of causing people to become exposed to them which created three brand new diseases all at the same time and then Captain Unohana and I had to work for over a week to develop cures…"

"Isane" Rukia called out.

"Oh sorry, got off topic for a moment"

Rukia now had two pictures up side by side for emphasis. The first had a male and female bunny side by side with censor bars over their bodies and a big checkmark above them while the second one showed a scared little bunny trapped in a dark laboratory with a big X drawn over the picture.

"Does this all make sense to you Nemu?"

"And do you get the point we are trying to make to you?" Ichigo pressed.

"These pictures are not very accurate," That caused a snort of laughter from Ichigo and another whack by Rukia, "However, I have processed everything you have all said"

"And are you going to let yourself become pregnant with Ichigo's child?" Rukia asked.

Nemu thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, because that is what my captain has asked of me"

Isane groaned, Rukia nearly tore up her artistic creations in anger and Ichigo banged his head on the nearest wall in the hopes of incurring a concussion to escape from the madness.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled out.

"I'm not sure what you mean" Nemu started.

Ichigo ran over and gripped Nemu by her robes pulling her face next to her. A bit of nervousness formed on her face as she saw the pure fury that was in Ichigo's eyes. "How can you just go along with this without protesting it at all? Your captain is using you and you're fine with this? Explain this to me!"

"Mayuri-sama created me. He is my captain...my father," Nemu tried to explain, "I need to obey him and do whatever he asks of me"

Ichigo stared at Nemu, "Bullshit" he muttered as he lightly slapped her.

Isane started to move towards Ichigo to stop him but Rukia grabbed a hold of her while shaking her head no.

"So what if he created you? You are a living being; you have your own thoughts, your own feelings. No one should be treated the way that you captain treats you and you do not have to accept it"

Nemu just stood there still looking a bit uncertain.

"Let's say that you go ahead with this, that you actually have a child. Are you going to let him hit and abuse the kid like he does to you?"

"No!" Nemu said immediately before hesitating, "I mean I'm not sure if…"

"Looking out for one another, believing in them and supporting them, not forcing them to do stuff against their will and loving them no matter what; that's how a real family treats each other. If I have kids some day, that's the kind of life they are going to have. So if you intend to go through with this, then I will do whatever the hell it takes to stop the two of you"

Letting go of Nemu, Ichigo walked over to the other side of the room where he took a few deep breathes to calm down. Rukia looked over at him.

"Ichigo, what you just said, well it was kind of lame"

"Better then your visual aid midget"

"Hey!"

"Ichigo-sama" Nemu interrupted. The group looked over to see that Nemu was currently looking out the bedroom window, "Is this the love and support you were talking about when you mentioned family?"

Out of curiosity, Ichigo went over and looked out. Down on the street level was Isshin looking up at them. The second he saw his precious son, Isshin's face lit up and he held up a large sign with a motivational message in big letters.

**Go for Grandkids Ichigo!**

"Yes, like that" Ichigo grumbled pulling the curtains in his room shut. "Only, except without the insanity"

* * *

"Agghhh…I can't believe this" Apache growled as she paced back and forth in the room, "Why do the hell do we need to give yourselves up for some stupid human shinigami?"

"Would you shut up about it already?" Mila-Rose yelled from a nearby corner of the room. The two of them along with the rest of the female arrancars were all there waiting to head off to Karakura town.

"What? You actually want to do this?" Apache screamed at her fellow Fraccion.

"Of course not, I'm just sick of listening to you whine about it"

Apache glared at her before forming a small smirk. "You're sure? After all, this might be your only chance in life to actually get a man in your life"

"Hey there are plenty of arrcanar around here attracted to me" Mila-Rose argued back, "After all; I actually have a figure unlike some people"

"Why you…"

Before the two girls could charge at each other, a pair of arms covered by long sleeves pushed out on front of the two separating them.

"Stop this. You are embarrassing Halibel" Sun-Sun said sternly. "Also, none of the great men here are attracted to a pair of squabbling children like you two are"

"What did you just say!?" Apache and Mila-Rose screamed at the same time.

"Oh I'm sorry. Would you like me to repeat what I said slowly to help you understand?"

"Ladies" Halibel said sternly as she turned back and looked at her Fraccion causing them to stop arguing. "Tell me. What great men are you talking about?"

"Well there's…"

Silence followed as the three girls began thinking of all the different good bachelors available here. And as more time past, the looks on Apache, Mila-Rose, and Sun-Sun's faces went from annoyance and anger to that of shock complete fear.

Mila-Rose shook her head still quite not believing it. "There are no decent guys to hook up with here"

"Yeah, they're all either ugly, completely insane, or they are one of Aizen's gay lovers" Apache spat out.

"Hey, Aizen-sama is not gay" Loly protested loudly from the other side of the room.

"Oh wake up kid. He spends every waking moment with Gin and Tousen by his side and he doesn't go near any females. No way in hell he's straight"

"And with a good deal of the men attracted to him, there's no one left for us. Oh my, we could all end being virgins for the rest of our lives" Sun-Sun commented.

The three Fraccion paused in thought about this.

"That's it, I call first dibs on sex with the orange head" Apache declared loudly.

"Like hell. You were just whining about him a second ago. I should go first" Mila-Rose argued.

"Don't start arguing again you two. Besides I'm Halibel's favorite so I should obviously go first"

"Shut up Sun-Sun!"

Halibel just rubbed her forehead in annoyance. It was going to be one of those days. "Enough talking, let's move out" she ordered as she opened a garganta portal to the real world.

As the group headed off through the portal, no one noticed a small child with teal hair and a cartoon like skull on their head spying on the group. Neliel Tu Oderschvank, more commonly known as Nel nowadays stare at the gateway in wonderment. She knew that she had been running from her brothers Pesche and Dondochakka since she had currently been winning their game of eternal tag. However at some point and she really didn't remember how, she had ended up inside Las Noches just as the group was leaving. Now her attention was fully on the gateway to the other world.

"Oh pwetty" Nel said as she quickly ran towards the portal and made it through just before it closed shut.

* * *

The knocking on the door was fast and hard. Yuzu looked up from the food she was finishing in surprise. Wiping her hands off on her apron, she made her way over to the front door and opened it to reveal a very scary looking Mayuri in a gigai that looked exactly like his regular body. He glared down at the small girl.

"Bring Nemu to me! Now!"

"Ah…one moment please" Yuzu said politely before quickly slamming door in his face.

Mayuri glared at the closed door as inside he could hear the child yelling out.

"Daddy! Ichigo! Nemu's father is here and he is dressed up like an Oni!"

A few seconds passed before a huge amount of spirit pressure could be felt from inside the home. Another second and Ichigo barged out of the front door looking ready to kill.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use my bankai to cut you up into an infinite number of pieces" he said.

The captain just gave a blank look at the ryoka. "Why would you want to kill me? I'm giving you the opportunity to get an offspring without having to do any work of your own towards it. If anything, you should be thanking me"

Ichigo reached for his soul society badge ready to go with the hack and slash option when a voice interrupted him.

"Go back inside Ichigo. I'll take care of this"

"Dad?" Ichigo looked to the side shocked to see that his father was still outside. "What are you doing here…and why are you dressed up in a suit?"

The suit wearing elder Kurosaki calmly walked up to his son standing directly in front of Mayuri.

"It's all about making a dramatic entrance my boy" he explained calmly. "Now then, as a fellow father, I can not let such injustice go unpunished any longer. Your fight is with me, you villainous cur."

"Dad, don't do this. You have no idea what you are dealing with"

"Nah. I have a couple of hunches actually so I should be fine"

Mayuri gave a long hard look at Isshin. "You almost seem familiar to me as if I should know you from somewhere or some time in the past. However, I have no idea who you actually are. Now get out of my way or else…"

"Oh my. What's going on here? Is this a party that I wasn't invited to?"

Mayuri turned around and glared at the last person he wanted to see right now.

"What do you want Kisuke?" he muttered out.

Urahara smiled at him tipping up his white and green hat up in greeting. "Oh I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would drop by to see an old friend. How have you been making out with my division Mayuri?"

"We were never friends and it's my division not yours, you fool!"

"Now, you don't mind that"

"Yes I do and if you get in my way I will strike you down along with these two idiots. Now get Nemu out here or…"

"Hold it"

Everyone stopped once more and began to look around trying to see where the new voice was coming from. As they saw nobody, confused looks formed on their faces.

"Above you" the voice said, a little bit irritated.

Everyone looked up above to see a figure standing on top of a light post, wearing a white and blue battle outfit with a fashionable short cape on it.

"Ishida" Ichigo called out in surprise.

The last Quincy gave Ichigo a brief glance before glaring at Mayuri and pointing an accusing finger at him. "My name is Uryu Ishida, you killed my grandfather! Prepare to die!"

Isshin's eyes shined with excitement, "Wow, now you see Ichigo that is a good dramatic entrance. Why can't you be more like him?"

"A little cliché but the timing and tone were effective. I would give it an 8.0 personally" Urahara commented.

"Shut up" Ichigo muttered to the two of them.

Mayuri just stared at Ishida for a few moments. "Oh, it's you. I don't have any time or interest in you at the moment. You can go now" he said turning around.

Ishida leapt off the post very ticked off. "Hey, don't you turn your back on me. Didn't you hear me? I'm here to avenge my grandfather!"

"Yes, yes, I heard you. But I never actually killed that man"

"You manipulated the situation that led to his death!"

Mayuri gave a blank as he looked at the Quincy. "So?"

"So, that's the same thing as actually killing him!"

"My, my, you really shouldn't get worked up on such little semantics"

"Semantics! Hey, don't you dare ignore me while I'm speaking to you!" Ishida yelled as the 12th division captain turned back to face the main group.

"Now then…" Mayuri stopped and glared as the door opened again with Isane stepping out this time, "Let me guess, you're going to kill me to?"

"No, but as a medical professional I must protest to you…"

"Silence!" Mayuri roared causing Isane to clam up.

"Can one of you just hurry up and kill him already" Rukia complained stepping out behind Isane, "Yuzu's dinner is starting to get cold"

"He's mine"

"I'm the father of this household so it's my duty"

"I'm the only one here that has a proper motive for killing him"

"Mayuri, I could make you a better gigai then the one you're currently using"

"Enough!" Mayuri growled as he looked over everyone. "I tried to come here and be polite while I retrieve my incompetent subordinate but all of you have annoyed me and wasted too much of my time. Therefore I will just have to kill every single one of you! Please know that this is nothing personal against any of you….well except for you Kisuke.

The shop keeper formed a hurt look as everyone in the group who had a weapon began to start summoning it.

"Wait" a voice called out.

Isane and Rukia stepped aside as Nemu calmly walked out heading straight for her captain.

"I will deal with him" she explained as she walked in front of her father and bowed her head "Mayuri-sama"

"You worthless twit, how dare you make me come out all this way after you!" He swung his arm to hit Nemu but for the first time since he had created the girl something different happened.

Nemu calmly moved her arm up and easily blocked the strike.

"Mayuri-sama, I need to discuss some things about your earlier request of me" she said politely.

Mayuri growled and tried to hit her again but this time Nemu caught his fist with her hand holding it in place. Judging by the small gasp of pain that came from the 12th captain, she was also crushing it a bit.

Nemu went on as if nothing was out of the ordinary, "After hearing opinions and facts stated by several different people, I have formed a hypothesis. What are you asking of me and the way I am treated by you is not fitting for a captain to act…or a father. Therefore, on those grounds, I must formally decline your orders for my impregnation"

Everyone watching gasped out in varying degrees of shock while Mayuri's eyes blazed with rage as he finally managed to yank his hand free.

"Also, I am putting in a request for a temporary leave of absence from my position as your lieutenant. My apologies that you had to come out here captain and I hope my decisions will not cause you any inconvenience" Nemu finished once again bowing formally.

"Bitch" Mayuri spat out with venom. "You are nothing but a lowly ungrateful whore. I gave you life and this is how you choose to repay me? No!"

A twisted smile formed on the man's demented clown like face as he pulled out a syringe out of his robes.

"You belong to me Nemu and I will do whatever I want with you!" Mayuri roared as he dashed forward with the needle right towards Nemu.

Nemu's eyes widened as she wasn't expecting this but she didn't have to worry for long as Ichigo immediately slugged Mayuri in the face knocking him down.

"Shut the hell up already" Ichigo as he gave a few kicks to the man's fallen body.

"Haha, that's my boy" Isshin said proudly.

"Very nice. That was definitely a 9.5"

Ishida adjusted his glasses trying to hide his disappointment, "I could have done that as well you know"

"Nemu" Isane said sounding a bit more nervous then everyone else, "Was that needle in his hand the one he was going to use for the process?"

"I believe so. Why?"

Isane didn't say anything. Instead she pointed down at Mayuri's body causing everyone to follow her gaze. There they all saw that the needle was still in Mayuri's hand but now the tip of it was also plunged into the man's body as well.

"Wait a second," Rukia said in disbelief, "Does that means he's going to become pregnant with…"

Rukia couldn't finish that thought as she glanced over at Ichigo who looked like he was going to throw up at any second.

"Damn it" Mayuri grumbled as he yanked the needle out and staggered back to his feet. "I will need to return to my laboratory and prepare an antidote before the first trimester kicks in. However, this isn't over!"

And with that, the genius captain of 12th division fled as fast as he could desperate to get back to Soul Society before anything irreversible occurred.

Ichigo watched as the captain fled. "He can reverse that, right?" he asked, trying to hide the panic in his voice

"Considering there were no signs of gender transformation occurring right away, I believe so," Nemu said as she turned and faced Ichigo directly. "Ichigo, thank you for what you did just now and also for explaining things to me before"

"No problem, I…"

Whatever heroic one liner Ichigo was saying got cut off as Nemu leaned in and gave him a deep, long and passionate kiss. One that Ichigo's body was unable to resist as his lips starting kissing back. Everyone gasped in shock again as Isshin cried tears of joy and Isane took a few nervous steps away from Rukia who she could have sworn was growling at the moment.

Nemu finally pulled her lips away. "I hope that this is an appropriate enough method to convey my thanks"

Ichigo just stood there, still in too much shock to be able to respond.

Isshin clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "Well then, a whole lot of that didn't make any sense to me. Never mind. Now let's all go inside and enjoy Yuzu's dinner. Oh and don't worry about a thing girls. You two can stay here as long as you need"

"Oh boy, dinner" Urahara said happily as he moved inside the house.

Ishida was right behind him, "Since my vengeance was denied, you can at least provide me with a decent meal Kurosaki"

Ichigo just nodded in agreement as the still shocked boy mutely followed after the group.

* * *

Hiyori went nuts. She screamed, she swore, she destroyed anything that wasn't bolted down inside the Vizard's home. She suddenly remembered that her pants were destroyed so she went to her room to put on a new pair. Then she came back and started her destructive rage filled carnage all over again.

"He's dead. That stupid brat is dead when I get a hold of him. I'm going to hunt him down and beat him the little prick within an inch of his life. Then…then I'll rip off his pants off, no wait. I'll rip all of his clothes. Yeah, then he'll pay. Hahahahahahahahaha"

The rest of the vizard were wise enough to stay out striking distance from Hiyori when she was pissed off, laughing manically and still had her hollow mask on. Truthfully, it wasn't the first time their smallest member had lost it so they knew the proper procedures by now.

"She almost sounds like she wants to rape Ichigo" Lisa commented as she flipped a page in her magazine.

"Hey, I was right! I knew she was looking at Berry-chan's butt!" Mahsiro giggled.

Shinji grinned not having the willpower to resist. "Hey Hiyori, you didn't forget did you?"

"Forget what?"

"You know, the sacred Vizard tradition"

"What the hell are you talking bout Shinji?" Hiyori growled as her horned hollow mask face turned and looked at him.

Shinji took a deep breath and then began to quote, "According to chapter 6, page 24, line 456 subsection D of the Big Book of Vizard Rules, should any female vizard have their panties viewed by an outside male then the first party, you being the one with the panties is automatically engaged to and must marry the second party, that being the male viewer of said panties"

Shinji grinned again for a split second before he was sent flying and crashing into the nearby wall courtesy of a hollow powered sandal slap.

Kensei turned and had a look at the new hole in the wall where their unofficial leader was. "Do you have some kind of death wish?"

"Maybe," Shinji replied, "But it's worth it"

He quickly ran off with Hiyori in fast pursuit. "We don't even have a rule book! Get back here you dumbass!"

* * *

Dinner was fun. That is if your definition of fun includes being constantly annoyed for nearly an hour. Between Ishida and Urahara making jokes at his expense, Yuzu wanting him to describe his fight with the ninjas, and Isshin asking when the wedding would be, Ichigo barely had time to eat whatever it was that he was eating. Still it was over and now Ichigo could retreat to the safety of his bedroom for the night.

"What…the…hell?"

Safety is quite overrated these days.

The majority of stuff in Ichigo's room such as his desk and dresser had all been taken and tossed into a messy pile in the corner. In its place two fold out beds had been rolled in and set up next to Ichigo's bed. The result was a solid row of sleeping spots going from one side of the room to the other. Ichigo's face slowly lost all color as Isshin came up besides him and clapped him on his back.

"Looks good, doesn't it?"

"What are those doing in here" Ichigo asked wide eyed even though he had an idea.

"They're for Nemu and Isane of course. Where did you think they were going to sleep Ichigo? There is no room left in your sisters' room to fit anyone else in there"

Isshin's face suddenly shifted into one of pure seriousness. He gripped his son's shoulders tightly forcing Ichigo to look straight at him.

"Now, Ichigo listen carefully. I know that you are a growing boy and at this point in your life, you may be feeling certain urges towards girls. However I also know that I raised you to be a good and polite young man. Therefore while the girls are sleeping in this room, I expect you to treat them with respect and not to do anything inappropriate with them" Isshin face went back into a grin as he lowered his voice into a whisper. "Or, at the very least, make sure that you are quiet enough so you don't disturb your sisters"

"Get lost before I kick your ass" Ichigo growled.

Isshin calmly walked away. "Okay but if you need condoms there are some down in the clinic"

"Damn you!"

Ichigo turned and looked back at his messed up room. Wondering what he had done to deserve this, he began to get ready for bed. After a few minutes Isane came into the room wearing a long white nightgown with Nemu behind her.

Isane looked at Ichigo's ticked off face. "Well, at least this sloves the sleeping problems" she pointed out.

"Yeah, I guss there's that"

Nemu looked at the bed for a moment before undoing the sash on her clothes and started to remove them. Ichigo only happened to notice when he glanced back and saw that she was half undressed.

"What are you doing?" he cried out while Isane formed a look of embarrassment.

Nemu calmly let the robes drop to the floor and stepped out of them leaving her in just a black lacy bra and matching panties. "I am preparing for bed"

"Not dressed like that!"

"Is something the matter?" Nemu asked calmly. "I believe that you have seen me dressed like this before"

"That's beside the point!" Ichigo yelled face bright red.

Turning his gaze away from the scantily clad girl, Ichigo made his way towards his dresser and searched around in it frantically until he found an old sport jersey. He quickly tossed it over his head towards Nemu.

"Here, put that on"

"Should I take my other clothes off first?" Nemu asked as she reached for her bra strap.

"No!" Isane and Ichigo both echoed.

"Very well"

Nemu slid the jersey over her body and Ichigo turned back revealed that her body was now covered. Well everything except Nemu's legs, which were long, creamy, and…

"Ichigo, you're in my way" Rukia said shoving Ichigo a bit causing him to stop his prolonged glance at the legs. Instead he looked at Rukia who was dressed in yellow pajamas and carrying a pillow with her.

"No" Ichigo quickly stated. "Don't even think about it"

"I miss my old bed"

"…What!?"

Rukia shoved Ichigo as she moved towards the closet. "I told you, I miss my old bed in here so I'm going to spend the night in it. End of discussion. Oh, and in case anyone thinks that this has to do with everyone else sleeping in this room tonight, well it doesn't"

"Umm…we weren't thinking that Rukia" Isane replied.

"And now you know not to" Rukia replied with a bright smile that somehow came off as more menacing then friendly. "Have a nice night everyone"

"Err...night"

"Good night"

Rukia hopped into the closet and quickly shut the door behind her while Nemu and Isane headed towards the beds. Ichigo turned off the light and followed after them climbing into his own bed which was closest to the wall. For the second night in a row, Ichigo had trouble falling to sleep right away. One thought kept racing through his mind and sadly it was not one involving any sexual fantasies.

'_There is no chance in hell that this is going to turn out good' _

By the time the sun came up, Ichigo would be proven right.


	6. Day of the Arrancar

As the sun came up and dawn shined over Karakura town, so to did a rippling black portal. On an empty street, a Garganta portal was open and stepping out of it was Halibel, flanked on both sides by her fellow female arrancars.

"Spread out and locate the target" Halibel ordered sternly. "Once you locate him report back and we will proceed from there"

The rest of the group nodded in agreement before everyone used Sonido to speed off in different directions. A few moments passed and Nel popped out of the Garganta just as it closed right behind her. She briefly looked around her strange new surroundings before heading off down a random street.

"Itsygo, where are you?"

A few moments after that another portal opened up in the exact same spot only this one was a Senkaimon, forming a connection with Soul Society. As the gate open, one very small and one very large shinigami stepped out and immediately ran off, the gate closing after they were gone.

Had everyone not been so impatient and taken off so fast, someone might have noticed that the reality around the spot where the portals were was beginning to twist and turn. It went on like this for a minute or so before everything changed back to normal.

* * *

Ichigo's eyes stared straight up at the ceiling of his bedroom, unmoving, unflinching. He had actually been awake for quite a while but had not gotten up yet. The reason was that getting up meant that he had to move and moving would quickly lead to his doom. Ichigo felt like prolonging his life for as long as possible.

'_I don't know what happened but this is not my fault. It isn't' _

Considering that Isane, Rukia and Nemu were all currently lying on top of Ichigo's body and snuggling into him, a few people might have trouble believing this. Isane was leaning in on his left side, Nemu on the right and Rukia's lithe form was draped over Ichigo's chest, her head resting right beside Ichigo's neck. Still the fact was that Ichigo was right and it really wasn't his fault at all.

If blame had to be assigned, most would be focused on Isane's subconscious mind which had started it all. Last night the girl had another nightmare where every single male in Soul Society was pregnant and she had to give birth to all the babies at the same time. As the dream got worse, Isane began to talk in her sleep and roll around back and fourth on the bed until she rolled right on to Ichigo's side. Still asleep, she latched tightly on to the boy's arm and leaned into him. As she did, she began to calm down and went back to sleeping peacefully.

Everyone had managed to sleep through the nightmare except for Rukia who was well known for being a light sleeper and very cranky if her rest was disturbed. So after hearing Isane, she staggered out of the closet still half asleep and headed for the beds.

"Shut up Isane" she muttered groggily as she made her way over to the annoyance.

Just as she reached the bed, Rukia tripped up on something. It might have been an empty soda can, it might have been Kon duck tapped face first on the floor to avoid any incidents occurring during the night. It's hard to say. Either way, when Rukia tripped, she actually fell a good distance and happened to land on top of Ichigo. By now Isane had quieted down and without the noise, Rukia fell back asleep right away forgetting that she had gotten up from her bed in the closet and where she was now.

Rukia's fall in turn startled Nemu enough that she opened her eyes. Thanks to the night vision feature Mayuri had installed in her optics, she had no problem seeing where the other two were. Conflicting reasons could be given for what Nemu did next. In terms of thinking of the situation in a scientific concept, Rukia and Isane were practicing a sort of sleeping ritual that she was unaware of and she should do the same to learn more about it. That was the scientific reason but personally Nemu didn't like the fact that the two girls were cuddling Ichigo and she wasn't. So she quietly got out the bed, walked around to the other side and crawled back in while wrapping her body around Ichigo's remaining free arm.

Thus, the young man had three girls surrounding his body with it technically being no fault of his own. The only thing that Ichigo did that in any way contributed to the situation was actually later in the night. At some point he had moved his left arm that Isane had a hold of a little bit and had somehow accidentally grabbed a hold of one of Rukia's breasts. But other then that one minor little issue, Ichigo was completely innocent.

Ichigo had already tried to get out of the compromising position but every time he tried to move even a single finger off of Rukia, the girl would start to moan and look like she was about to wake up at any second. Therefore, Ichigo was stuck with not be able to move or speak. He used all his willpower to focus on his ceiling and not the hot girls on top of him, while trying to stay calm.

'_Oh shit, I'm dead. Oh shit, I'm dead. Wait, is Rukia not wearing a bra? Oh shit, I'm really dead' _

At that moment the door creaked open and Isshin stepped in ready to wake Ichigo up with his usual good morning sneak attack. He halted as he came across the scene. Ichigo's head twisted slightly to the side and his eyes met his father's. For a brief moment, the two just stared at one another before Isshin finally responded with a thumbs up.

'_I hate you' _

Grinning at the sight, Isshin got ready to do the wake up attack anyway but halted as he saw his son frantically shaking his head no.

Isshin nodded his head arguing for yes.

Ichigo shook his head again. No.

Isshin nodded his head once more. Yes.

'_Please Dad'_Ichigo silently begged with wide eyes, _'If you love me at all and want me to actually live long enough to provide you with a grandkid, then stop. Just stop and don't do anything at all. Please' _

Isshin finally seemed to get the message as he nodded and tiptoed back out of the room gently closing the door without making any noise. Ichigo made a silent vow to try to be nicer to him for a while as he tried to figure a way to get out this. That vow was quickly replaced by a vow to cripple the man for life as Isshin suddenly stepped back into the room carrying a small digital camera in hand.

Ichigo glared but his father ignored him as he began to take several pictures of the group including close-ups of all the lovely girls' faces.

"Damn you old man! I'll…" Ichigo suddenly stopped as he realized he had just yelled out loud. Isshin smartly exited the room again and stayed gone this time as the three girls started to wake up.

"What's going on?" Rukia muttered as she eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the light. Much to her surprise Ichigo's face stared right back at her. "Ichigo?"

Ichigo was sweating bullets as Rukia slowly became aware that she was on top of Ichigo, in his bed, and what part of her body the boy was touching. Ichigo immediately yanked his hand off her breast now but it was too little too late as Rukia was fully conscious. The room's temperature dropped quickly as Rukia glared right into Ichigo's eyes.

"Nee-san!" Ichigo yelled out trying to sound like Kon in the hope that it would spare him the coming pain. A few seconds passed by with Rukia still glaring at him. "Not buying it, are you?"

Rukia shook her head no as she threw her hands forward "Die!"

Isane groaned a little bit as she sat up in the bed not fully awake. "Captain, I just had the weirdest dream. I was with Rukia and Nemu and the three of us were all sleeping in the same room as…" Isane stopped as she saw Rukia on top of Ichigo trying to strangle him to death, "oh wait, it wasn't a dream"

On the other side of the beds, Nemu had woken up and was closely studying what Ichigo and Rukia were doing. "Is strangling each other some sort of morning ritual that I am unaware of?"

"I think that anything might be possible here Nemu"

* * *

"Okay Orihime, you need to get yourself back into the game"

The teenage girl was looking into a wall mirror in order to give herself a pep talk. Judging by the nervous face in the reflection, so far it wasn't working too well.

"Just because all these girls are here to go after Kurosaki-kun doesn't mean that he will be interested. You still have a chance; you just need to be confident and determined and not give up. Yeah! Although I wonder why my attempt to food poison everyone didn't work last night. I left out all my normal ingredients from dinner and added other stuff but for some reason everyone but Rangiku-san thought it tasted better. What else could I try?"

"Big Boobies wants to kill all of us?" A voice asked from behind her.

"No, not kill you. I just want to get rid of all you and keep you away from Kurosaki-kun" Orihime replied not realizing she was having a conversation with someone.

"Haha, you're silly" the voice replied as the speaker jumped on top of Orihime's head.

"Yachiru?" Orihime cried out in shock seeing the pink haired girl in the mirror.

Orihime quickly exited her room. On one side of the living room were most of her female shinigami guests and on the other end was one Kenpachi Zakari looking as crazed as ever. Behind him was a very large hole in the wall that Orihime didn't recall being there earlier signifying the man's entrance.

"Umm, it's nice to see you again Captain Zakari" Orihime said slowly. "What brings you here today while destroying my home?"

Zakari pointed over at Yachiru who was still on top of Orihime. "She wanted to be with you guys while you're on this mission so I'm dropping her off. And now that I got that done," Zakari drew his sword and ran his tongue along the blade, "I'm going to go have my way with Ichigo"

Several gasps came out of the women and Orihime looked ready to faint.

"You mean like in a fight, right?" Matsumoto asked.

"Yeah, what else would I be talking about?"

"Oh thank god"

Nanao adjusted her glasses on her face. "Yes, well Captain Zakari, Ichigo is not here at the moment"

"Or maybe he's hiding somewhere...like right here!" Zakari turned and swung his sword at a nearby closed door.

The door was instantly cut in two and fell apart revealing the bathroom and Hinamori who was inside drying her body off with a large white towel. Kenpachi gave the girl an indifferent look as she shrieked and covered herself with the towel while trying to get out of sight.

"Okay, so maybe he isn't here," he finally admitted. Glancing back around the room, he suddenly focused on Orihime. "Hey woman. You're Ichigo's friend so you should know where he lives, right?"

Orihime hesitated for a few moments. "No. Sorry but I really have no idea where his house is"

"Damn it. I'll have to keep looking. Yachiru, you stay here and keep the mayhem to a minimum"

"Okay, happy hunting Ken-chan!"

"Right, well I'm off"

"Captain Zakari, sir?" Orihime interrupted. "If it's not too much trouble, could you use the front door this time please?"

"Alright"

Orihime let out a sigh of relief just as Zakari charged off straight through the closed door destroying it as well. The girl moaned and turned around to go back to her room. Kurosaki-kun would have to wait while she checked to see if her insurance covered damages caused by psychopathic spirits.

"Is it safe to come out?" Hinamori called out from the bathroom.

Matsumoto yelled back. "It's fine. You can finish getting dressed now"

"So, has anything happened in Soul Society since we left?" Kiyone asked Yachiru.

The pink haired vice captain jumped off of Orihime and began to think. "Oh, Ken-chan said that all the other guys were being real wimps"

"What? How come?"

"Oh because they're all crying and constantly drinking because we're not there" Yachiru explained, "They keep saying stuff like we have no will to fight since we have nothing left to ogle anymore"

"Typical men" Nanao snorted.

"What about my captain?" Matsumoto asked suddenly, "Was he crying because I'm gone as well?"

"Hmm…"

- Soul Society, 10th division headquarters -

Anyone who stepped into the office at this very moment would be treated to an unusual sight. The captain of the division had a big smile on his face. Yes, Toshiro had been smiling most of the day while also break dancing on top of his desk.

"No Matsumoto for a month, no Matsumoto for a month, I don't have to put up with my annoying lazy good for nothing vice captain for an entire month! Come on everyone, let's go celebrate!"

"He really didn't seem to be himself" Yachiru admitted sadly.

"Oh my poor captain, he must be so lonely without me"

* * *

Despite the fact that her office still looked like it had played host to a major battle from the winter's war, Captain Retsu Unohana was still a professional. Thus she was calmly sitting behind her broken desk waiting patiently for her expected visitor. The wait was not a very long one as Byakuya walked through the wrecked doorway not looking pleased.

"Good morning Captain Kuchiki" Unohana said with a bright smile, "What brings you by here so early?"

Byakuya glared over at his fellow captain "I believe you are already aware of the reason. While I was meeting with some nobles at my estate this morning, Hanataro Yamada showed up and announced in front of everyone that I needed to come here for an immediate checkup. He said I was suffering from a severe case of diarrhea"

"That's strange. I wonder where Hanataro got such a silly idea from"

"You know the answer to that as your officer informed me that I should speak to you when I interrogated him"

"Well, there was another small matter I was hoping to speak with you at some time"

If Byakuya was not an uptight noble, he would have rolled his eyes at this point. "Please Captain Unohana; this pitiful attempt of innocence does not become you"

"I was going to offer you some nice tea to start with but very well," Unohana laced her fingers together, "Let's cut to the chase, shall we? For my own personal reasons, I do wish to take part in the latest mission involving Ichigo. I'm also aware that the only reason you have made your sister Rukia participate is due to pressure from your family's elders as they are upset on the current lack of a future heir"

Byakuya stiffened up a bit. "That information is Kuchiki clan business and is highly classified"

"This is Soul Society. Nothing is classified in these parts if you know where to look for it. The fact remains is that we both faced with the similar problem of not wanting to get involved in this mess. Therefore I would like to propose an alliance between the two of us to help further our causes"

Byakuya looked over at the fourth division leader still not entirely convinced "And how exactly does working together help us with the current situation?"

"You tell me," Unohana smile changed from a motherly one to that of an evil mastermind, "my lover"

Byakuya's eyes actually went wide with shock from that one.

"Why don't you have a seat and we'll have that tea now"

* * *

"Rukia, calm down already" Ichigo said as he backed up towards the door leading out of the house. "I swear that I don't know how it happened"

A fully dressed and irate Rukia stomped down the stairs heading after Ichigo. With each step, it looked like she was going to release her zanpakuto and start attacking. "So, I just somehow ended up in your bed with you groping me and you had nothing to do with it? Yeah right. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now!"

"It would really upset my family" Ichigo tried.

"I'll help them mourn and they will get a lovely ice sculpture to remember you by"

"Everyone, breakfast is ready" Yuzu called out as she walked into the room. She stopped and looked at Ichigo and Rukia sensing the tension between the two. "Is something wrong?"

"No nothing" Ichigo lied. "Anyway, I'm sorry Yuzu. I need to leave early to work on some stuff for school. So I'll see you guys later"

"But, there's no school today Ichigo" Yuzu replied confused.

"Oh, right"

"Say Yuzu, would you like to hear what your big brother has been doing so far this morning?" Rukia asked.

"Sure" Yuzu smiled.

Ichigo stood there trying to think of a way to escape, any possible way. Suddenly he saw the perfect scapegoat err person coming down the stairs.

"Isane" Ichigo called out as he bounded up the stairs and grabbed the girl's hand pulling her down with him. "Come with me right now"

Isane was still a bit drowsy so it came as a shock to have Ichigo latch on to her. "What, why?" she asked.

"That training I promised to give you. No time like the present, right?"

"But…" Isane tried to protest but it was too late as Ichigo had already managed to pull her outside. With a quick bye and a slam of the door, the two were gone.

"Get back here you coward!" Rukia shouted.

Yuzu looked at the nearby miko. "What kind of training was Ichigo talking about Nemu?"

Nemu just stood there trying to think of something.

"Obviously, it is bodyguard training Yuzu" Isshin proclaimed as he joined the others, "Ichigo is teaching the young nurse how to be a better protector and keep Nemu safe from all dangers. Isn't that right Nemu?"

Isshin sent a quick wink towards Nemu, "Yes that's correct" she replied politely

"Bodyguard training? Yeah, that's a good one"

Everyone's attention turned to the final member of the Kurosaki household, Karin, who was at the top of the stairs.

"What's the matter my precious daughter?" Isshin called out.

"What's the matter is that you keep going along with these pitiful stories that Ichigo and these girls are coming up with!"

"Hey, my stories are not pitiful" Rukia protested, "Well that's what I would say if there was a story and all of this wasn't real, which it is"

"Mark my words. I'm not going to rest until I find out the truth about all of you, and all this Shinigami stuff you are involved in with my brother!"

Yuzu looked up at her sister, "Karin?"

"What?" Karin growled back.

"Umm…it's your turn to do the dishes this morning"

"Fine, first I'll do the dishes and then I shall find the truth!" Karin declared loudly before storming back to her room.

"Oh Masaki, our darling Karin is growing up so fast and becoming a lovely conspiracy theorist" Isshin declared before looking back at Yuzu, Rukia, and Nemu while pulling a camera out of his pocket "So girls, would any of you like to see some lovely new pictures I got?"

* * *

Chizuru was quite happy. She had a lecherous grin on her face as she walked down the street towards her destination. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, birds were chirping and by the end of the day if everything went according to plan, she would finally be getting her greatest lustful desires fulfilled.

Reaching the designated spot, the teenage girls flipped open her cell phone and quickly dialed. "Hello, Soi Fon?" she asked.

"Fool! I told you to use our code names while we are on the mission!" Soi Fon yelled back.

"But, there are only two of us. Isn't it a bit silly to use code names?"

"…"

"Soi Fon?"

"…"

Chizuru sighed. "Fine. Are you there High Priestess of Yoruichi-sama?"

"Yes, I am here Karakura-riser Erotic. What is you status?"

"I am at the location"

"Good. Proceed with phase one and then meet at the rendezvous point. Remember failure is not an option Erotic"

"Right, over and out High Priestess!" Chizuru replied before shutting off the phone. "She is such a weirdo. Oh well, time to get to work"

Stepping out in front of the Urahara shop, Chizuru held out a saucer filled with a white liquid with one hand and called out in a friendly voice. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Are there any pretty kitty cats here who would like some yummy fresh milk?"

On the roof of the shop, the head of a black cat suddenly shot up waking up from its midday nap.

"Fresh milk?" Yoruichi asked as she looked over the area and immediately deduced this couldn't be any sort of trap or trick. After all, it was just an ordinary human and there was no sign of any hollows or any other spiritual dangers nearby. Therefore she quickly jumped down and started heading towards the yummy treat.

As the cat hurried towards her, Chizuru slowly lowered the milk while using her free hand open a small hidden vial and pour another liquid into the bowl. "Here you go kitty. Make sure you drink every last drop"

"Amateur" Soi Fon scoffed as she shut off her own phone and headed into a nearby building.

The building was in fact a gym and inside was Tatsuki. She was clad in her karate gi, as she practiced her moves on a training mat. Since it was still early, the girl was alone but Tatsuki didn't mind that. It allowed her to work out in peace and quiet, while trying to clear out her head on what was bothering her.

'_Okay, after I'm done I'll track down Ichigo and get him to explain what all this girl nonsense Orihime was going on about. Then if I don't like his answer…'_ Tatsuki smirked as her fist slammed into a punching bag, _'I'll kick his ass'_

"Are you the one known as Arisawa Tatsuki?" Soi Fon called yet.

Tatsuki stopped practicing and turned around looking over a strange woman. "Who wants to know?" she asked suspiciously noticing that the woman's black clothing looked a bit like the type she had seen on Ichigo before.

"Surrender now and I promise to make this as quick and painless as possible"

"What? Okay lady, I don't know who you are but if you want a fight…"

Tatsuki stopped talking as the woman had suddenly vanished. A second later she realized too late that Soi Fon was now behind her as a hand struck the back of her head and knocked her out.

"That wasn't even a little bit of a challenge" Soi Fon complained as she threw Tatsuki's prone body over her shoulder and carried her away.

* * *

"Okay then, let's see your shikai to start with"

Isane nodded slowly as she stared over at Ichigo. The two of them were currently in shinigami form and had retreated to a nearby park following their very speedy exit from the house.

"Okay, I can do that. But Ichigo, aren't you worried about how angry Rukia is going to be when we get back?"

"Nah, Rukia will calm down after a little while. Probably after a couple of decades or so" he muttered underneath his breath. "Anyway, let's see what that sword of yours can do"

"Yes. Run Itegumo"

As the blade transformed, Ichigo walked around looking at the sword from all angles. "Hmm, it's not too bad. It's a little bit small for chopping off limbs. Still, I suppose it would be good for shredding the Hollow's eyes"

"What?" Isane asked in surprise.

"Anyway, pop quiz. You see a hollow attacking some innocent souls; what do you do?"

Isane thought for a moment, "I stay calm and look over the situation carefully in order to determine the best course of action"

Ichigo smiled at her but shook his head slightly. "Wrong. You charge in and take the hollows down before they can hurt anyone"

Isane stared at Ichigo wondering if he was joking but his expression remained the same. "But isn't doing that very reckless?"

"So?"

"What if the hollow has some sort of special ability and you get seriously injured from it?"

Ichigo shrugged his shoulders. "You fight through the pain and keep on going! After a while, you usually figure out a hollow's weak point or get a good hit in and finish him off!"

"And if you don't?"

"You keep fighting it until it leaves and then you get yourself healed, train to reach a new level of power, and then fight it again in a rematch"

"But…but…" Isane held a hand to her head as she was starting to get a headache, "that sounds like something the 11th division would do"

"Well aren't they your combat division?"

"Yes but they are also the division with the highest mortality rate and the most likely to get critically injured"

"Hmm, well that's why need a good mastery over flash steps so you can dodge the most deadly attacks. Oh it also doesn't hurt to have achieved bankai in case you need to fight off an army of hollows but we'll worry about that stuff in your later lessons. For now, let's get started with some simple sparring"

A fearful look formed on Isane. Flash step mastery? Bankai? More lessons? Isane had understood that Ichigo was incredibly powerful but she didn't think that he would try and make her the exact same way. This was insanity, pure and simple.

'_What I wouldn't give for a distraction, right now' _the lieutenant thought bitterly.

"Help, help" Isane and Ichigo looked over to see a female in a black and white outfit hurrying towards them.

"Is that a nun?" Ichigo asked in surprise as he got a closer look at the figure.

Indeed it was a nun dressed in the typical robes of a servant of the lord although the sleeves seem to be a bit too long for the nun's arms. A panic filled face peered out from underneath the habit at the two shinigami.

"There is an evil spirit devouring innocent souls on the other side of the park. Please you must stop it"

"Wait, you can see us?" Isane asked.

"Err yes; I've always been able to see good and honest souls since giving myself to the church"

"Works for me" Ichigo said, "Lead the way"

"Wait a second Ichigo"

"Hey, somebody get the hell over here and help me" a jogger in a white tank top and black short shorts was yelling out. "Something in the bushes just grabbed my dog and ate it!"

Ichigo leapt over the jogger briefly noticing that the girl had two different eyes and headed into the nearby woods. "Alright hollow, where are you?"

"Creature is close" a new voice said as a figure suddenly jumped down from a nearby tree landing right next to Ichigo.

"What the…?" Ichigo said a he looked over the tall and muscular dark skinned woman that was clad only in a tattered brown bikini top and loincloth bottom.

"Me jungle girl. Me help you track down strange creature"

Ichigo began to reach for his sword but then stop and began to think, "Okay, something strange is going on here"

"Get him!" Three voices shouted at once.

Ichigo quickly reached for Zangetsu and swung in a wide arc causing the nun, jogger and jungle girl to all leap back out of harms way.

"Who are you people?" Ichigo growled.

"Sun-Sun" the nun greeted throwing away the habit.

"Apache" the jogger said with a glare.

"Mila-Rose"

Ichigo suddenly noticed the white markings on the girls' faces. "Arrancar? Damn it. Getsuga…"

Ichigo suddenly cried out in pain as a whip struck the side of his hand injuring it and causing him to stop his attack.

"That's not a very nice way to treat a lady" Cirucci Thunderwitch called out as she stepped out from behind a tree while pulling her weapon back. The Privaron Espada was wearing a black Lolita style dress much like her regular uniform.

"Yeah, you won't be a good boy toy if you're like that" Lilynette complained appearing on the other side of Ichigo.

Ichigo took one glance at Lilynette and quickly turned the other way blushing horribly. Unlike the others, Lilynette had just worn her usual Arrancar uniform of briefs and an open vest which was bad enough on its own.

"Ichigo" Isane cried out as she started to run towards him to help. She didn't get far though as two more arrancars dressed in white cheerleader outfits appeared in front of her.

"What's your hurry?" Menoly asked.

"Yeah, the show is just getting started" Loly added with a cruel smirk.

Ichigo looked around noticing that he was surrounded on all sides. Suddenly Apache, Sun-Sun and Mila-Rose parted a little bit allowing one more person through.

For a brief moment Ichigo actually forgot about the potential danger he was in. A beautiful womanly shape slowly glided and swayed towards Ichigo causing his mind to lose coherent thought. Dark exotic skin colored legs and bare chest met stunning red silk in the form of a belly dancer outfit. Wild blonde hair and piercing eyes were the only things visible on the face, everything below that was covered by a thick red veil. The dancer kept moving until she was right next to Ichigo and wrapped her arms around his body.

"Ichigo Kurosaki" Halibel stated in an emotionless voice "Come with us and all your sexual desires shall be fulfilled"


	7. Catfight Club

Warning! Warning! Massive system failure in effect!

Subject: Ichigo Kurosaki

Program: his brain

Diagnosing system…scanning…scanning…error found. Subject's brain has overloaded due to overexposure of hormonal influences within a limited time period. System is detecting several hormonal agents within close proximity. Warning, program is infected! Brain failure is at 85%.......attempting to reboot. Reboot failed. Entering default safe mode…dumb stupor.

"What the…" Ichigo managed to slur out with Halibel right in front of him. The Arrancar belly dancer leaned even closer causing Ichigo's nose to pick up the scent of the exotic perfume she had on.

"Silence" Halibel whispered lightly into the boy's ear, "You will require no thoughts except for the enjoyment that you will get from us pleasuring you"

"But you guys are my enemy" Ichigo protested with one last lingering bit of logic.

"That's only if you want us to be. Our war has never been against you directly Ichigo, only the shinigami. In fact, we could do so much more for you" Halibel replied smoothly.

With a silent signal from their leader, the rest of the Arrancar moved in closer around Ichigo, and began to ruffle his hair, massage his shoulders, and give him little pushes forward toward Halibel. One daring girl even leaned in on the side and gently nibbled on his ear sending a chill down his spine.

"Come with us and be happy Ichigo. It is your fate just as Lord Aizen has decreed"

"…Aizen?"

Brain searching for term Aizen. Scanning…scanning…scan completed. One match found for topic Aizen. Retrieving all relative information. Initializing pre programmed response.

"Aizen!"

Halibel had no time to react as Ichigo sent her reeling. Unfortunately it was not a kiss as she might have expected but rather Ichigo's closed fist.

"Lady Halibel" Sun-Sun cried out as Halibel fell to the ground.

"Bastard" Mila-Rose yelled while Apache growled.

Ichigo responded with one simple word as he grabbed his sword and pointed it forward. "Bankai!"

All the girls jumped back as a tornado of spirit energy flowed around Ichigo. When it died down he had on a long black trench coat and his blade was now an all black katana signifying his Bankai state. But he wasn't finished yet. Moving his free hand over his face, Ichigo formed his red and white hollow mask. The amount of spirit pressure coming off Ichigo was huge now and the weaker Arrancar were beginning to tremble at it. The stronger ones were too distracted checking out Ichigo's exciting new look.

"It's bad enough that Soul Society, my own allies, wants to use me for their hair brain schemes. But now Aizen wants to do the same thing? Hell no!" Yellow irises glared from beneath the mask as Ichigo looked over the girls. "Seriously, you thought that you could dress up a bit, say a few words and I would willingly come with you? Who came up with that dumb idea? And these outfits of yours are lame. Was the costume shop all out of French maid outfits or something?"

As Ichigo started to laugh at them, Mila-Rose turned and gave Apache a shove. "I told you that would have been better then a jogger outfit"

"Shut up you stupid jungle girl" Apache shoved back.

By now Halibel was back on her feet. She was rubbing her sore jaw both annoyed and impressed by the boy's surprising strength. "So there is nothing we can do to convince you to join us?"

"Not a chance. But if you all leave now without causing any trouble, I won't hurt you"

Halibel thought about this, "Very well then"

Ichigo began to relax while the third Espada decided to change tactics.

"Ichigo Kurosaki, come with us or we will kill the girl"

The Arrancar surrounding Ichigo parted a bit to reveal a struggling Isane. Loly and Melody were on both sides of her, each one holding on to an arm. In addition, Loly also had a hold of Isane's Zanpakuto and was pointing it at the girl's throat.

Ichigo quickly stopped relaxing, "Ah shit"

* * *

"One moment please" Yuzu called out in response to the heavy pounding on the front door. Wiping her hands on her apron, she hurried to answer the door with her sister following behind her.

"It's probably another girl wanting Ichigo" Karin grumbled.

"You have no way of knowing that Karin"

"Yeah, well I'm willing to bet a million bucks on it"

Yuzu opened the door to reveal an angry faced Hiyori fists still clenched together. "Bring Ichigo to me!" she demanded.

Karin crossed her arms and gave her sister a look.

"You know that I don't have that kind of money Karin" Yuzu replied.

"Immediately!" Hiyori screamed.

Yuzu glanced back at the upset guest, "I'm sorry but Ichigo isn't here right now. I could tell him that you're looking for him when he gets back"

"How about you first tell us who you are and what you want with him?" Karin asked, obviously more suspicious of the stranger.

Hiyori paused for a moment. She had come for the purpose of sole purpose of violent vengeance and had never bothered to think of a cover story. "I'm…Ichigo's gym teacher" she finally said.

"Really? But I thought Ichigo's gym teacher was a man? Did you just start working at his school?" Yuzu asked.

"Yeah you look a little bit young to be a teacher. Also they usually don't show up unexpectedly at their student's house while carrying a sword with them"

"Stupid normal humans" Hiyori complained, "I'll find him myself! And neither of you saw me here or else I'll make you do laps or something!"

"Well she was sure energetic" Yuzu said calmly as the sisters watched Hiyori run off at a speed that should not have been possible for a human being.

"She was also lying and carrying a sword with her!" Karin yelled at Yuzu. "How can you be so calm about these things?"

"You have to try and look on the bright side of things Karin"

"What bright side?"

Yuzu giggled at her sister "Well if Ichigo ends up with all these girls that are staying here and Daddy is okay with it, then that means that in the future either of us should be allowed to have more then one boyfriend if we want to"

Karin opened her mouth to respond but didn't. She stood there in stunned silence at her sister's statement.

"Are you okay Karin?"

"Umm, excuse me for a second Yuzu" Karin quickly went to the other room where the poster of her deceased mother hung on the wall and looked up at it. "Hi mom. It's me Karin. Err I don't know any way to say this but I think that I might be the only sane person left in the family. It may come down to me leaving home and changing my name in order to escape the madness. I hope you understand"

* * *

Fifteen feet. That was the distance that Ichigo judged from himself to Isane. He could easily cover that in a second with his speed. But how long would it take him to fight through the group in front of him? Five seconds, maybe ten?

"It won't work Ichigo" Halibel stated calmly guessing what the boy was considering. "You would never be able to make it in time let alone defeat all of us. "Besides you wouldn't want to risk the life of one of your comrades now would you?"

Ichigo said nothing as the grip on his sword tightened while glaring at the Espada.

"You have ten seconds to toss you sword away and to remove your mask" Halibel ordered.

Isane began to struggle harder against her captor's tight grip. "Don't do it Ichigo. You're more important in the battle against Aizen. Save yourself and don't worry about me"

Ichigo gave Isane a look. "Don't say such stupid things" he said as he immediately threw his sword off to the side and took off his hollow mask. "Now what?"

Cirucii smirked as she saw the serious look on the boy's face, "Hmm…why don't you be a good little boy and show us what you have underneath those robes?"

"What!"

"Cirucii" Halibel warned

"Hey we're going to be seeing him plenty of his body soon enough. What's the harm in a little early preview?"

"You do actually have a point there" Halibel admitted, "Ichigo, you may proceed with stripping"

Ichigo said nothing as his hands slowly went towards went towards his robes and in a moment all the girls were grinning and licking their lips as they looked over his bare muscular chest.

Isane tried to move her hand so that her palm was directly facing one of the Arrancar that was holding on to her. She started to prepare a kido spell in order to attack but lost her concentration as the grip on her arm tightened.

"You weren't trying to do anything to escape now were you Grandma?" Loly asked.

"What did you call me?" Isane cried out as her arms were painfully twisted.

"You heard her Grandma. Or are you deaf?" Menoly teased as she reached up and plucked a few hairs off of Isane's head. "Look how much grey hair you have granny"

"But her skin doesn't have any wrinkles. What kind of beauty products do you use on it?"

"You're about what 4000 years old Grandma?"

"No way, she has to be at least 5000"

Isane glared at the two Arrancar girls who were now laughing at her. "Stop it! I am not that old!"

Menoly rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. I bet you're even wearing big old granny panties to"

A wicked smirk appeared on her comrade's face. "I got an idea Menoly. Why don't we check?"

"Heh, sure"

Isane watched with panicky eyes as Loly tossed her sword to side and along with Loly each grabbed one of her pant legs. "No wait please. Don't do this. Anything but this"

Loly and Menoly ignored her protests and with a count of three ripped the bottom of Isane's shinigami robes completely off. Isane let out a shriek of embarrassment causing everyone else to glance over. Ichigo's eyes widened at the sight while some of the women had a few looks of surprise. It was one of the worst days ever for the 4th division lieutenant as one of her greatest secrets, something her captain and sister were not even aware of, was made public to the world.

"No way. The old lady is wearing a thong" Loly burst out laughing as she stared at the tiny white garment, "You're a lot friskier then I thought Granma"

Menoly was about to add on her own comment when she felt someone tapping her on the shoulder.

"I must ask that you let go of my friend" a voice stated before just a sharp kick slammed into Menoly's head. A second later Loly was punched from behind causing both girls to be knocked away and Isane to be free.

"Nemu, Rukia" Isane cried out in surprise at her two fellow shinigami that were standing on both sides of her.

"Are you alright Ichigo-sama?" Nemu called out.

"We just can't leave you alone even for a few minutes, can we?" Rukia complained.

"I hope that you don't if we also join the party" Matsumoto said as she appeared along with Hinamori, Nanao, Kiyone, and Yachiru. She looked over the scene and quickly focused on Ichigo's bare chest and Isane's bare legs "Wow, this really is a party"

Both figures blushed with embarrassment and tried to cover up their bodies.

"Perhaps, we should worry about the large number of Arrancar first?" Nanao suggested.

"Those are the ones the one that work with Captain Aizen?" Hinamori asked as she studied over the other women more closely.

"Alright, let's go girls" Matsumoto yelled as she reached for her sword, "Growl..."

"Wait," Nanao cried out, "What are you doing?"

Matsumoto looked back at her fellow lieutenant. "I'm going to fight the evil strong hollows over there. You do know it's our job, right?"

"Of course I do. But don't you remember Captain Yamamoto's instructions?"

"He gave instructions?"

"He told us all not to use our spiritual powers at the same time. Due to the large number of us shinigami being here, it leads the risk of attracting a huge influx of hollows and potentially completely destroying the spiritual boundaries here"

"So we can't go kick butt?"

"No, we can't"

"Oh. Well that's not good"

"I think we might be in trouble here" Kiyone cried out as one of the enemy moved towards them.

"You are all so dead" Apache said with a smile as she cracked her knuckles.

Halibel looked over at her. "Apache, Lord Aizen gave us the exact same orders"

"What? You have got to be shitting me!"

"This town is important to his plans. He wants no harm to come to it"

Apache glared at her leader and then pointed an accusing finger over at their enemies. "So how the hell do we deal with this freaking situation if none of us are allowed to use our abilities to fight?"

Both groups stared blankly at one another trying to figure out what to do in this situation. Matsumoto finally stepped forward until she was face to face with Halibel.

"Ichigo's ours. We saw him first"

* * *

"I got it, I got it" Chizuru cried out as she raced towards the secret meeting place.

Soifon looked out of the completely unsuspicious alleyway making sure that her untrained partner had not been followed. "Quiet you fool. You do not want to attract unneeded attention to ourselves"

"Sorry" Chizuru whispered.

"Well? Hand it over and be careful with it"

"Right"

Chizuru handed over the cardboard box that she had in her hands and the second division captain opened the top of it to look inside. There, resting on a small blanket was a black cat still asleep thanks to the spiked milt it drank earlier. Soifon studied every detail of the feline: the face, the whiskers, and the glossiness of the fur with no signs of fleas. All aspects were checked to ensure that this was the real Yoruichi and not some foolish alley cat wannabe. Satisfied, Soifon closed the box and looked at Chizuru.

"Good work. As promised, I have held up my end of the bargain. The one known as Tatsuki has been disabled and can't interfere with your romantic advances. Here is proof of my accomplishment"

Soifon handed over a set of photographers, all showing Tatsuki tied up with rope, gagged with an old rag and thrown into some sort of locker.

At said locker, Tatsuki was trying like crazy to get out of the ropes. Truthfully she wasn't upset about the entire situation. Being easily beaten in a fight and then kidnapped? As much as it hurt her pride, she could deal with these things and move on. No, it was the fact that the kidnapper had told her that Chizuru sends her regards before taking her photos and locking her up that had Tatsuki boiling mad.

'_Classmate or not, that lesbian is dead when I get me hands on her'_ Tatsuki thought, _'This isn't good. My Orihime is in danger senses are starting to go wild. I need to get out of here now!'_

Redoubling her efforts to get free Tatsuki started throwing her body against the locker door.

Chizuru quickly pocketed the better looking photos figuring that she would frame them or keep them in a photo album. "This is perfect. With Tatsuki out of way, my precious Hime will be all mine. Nothing can stop me. Hahahahahaha"

"Ahem" Soifon said sternly interrupting Chizuru. "I want to remind you that this all confidential. We do not know each other, there was never a meeting or agreement, and if you ever suggest otherwise I will publically deny all events and knowledge. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal" Chizuru said as she smiled back at her partner. "Thank you for all your help Soifon. I hope that you are as successful in your quest for love as I will be"

"You were surprisingly adequate girl. Good luck to you as well" Soifon responded with a rare smile of her own.

* * *

"Ichigo is clearly more infatuated with our group then yours" Halibel argued, presenting herself in a logical fashion, "allow me to demonstrate"

Halibel reached over and before Ichigo could react grabbed him by his hair and shoved his face into her breasts. She kept him there for a full minute with Ichigo's arms flailing wildly the whole time before letting him go.

"See?"

"That proves nothing" Matsumoto argued as she grabbed a hold of Ichigo and jammed him into her breasts. She kept him there for just as long with Ichigo once more trying desperately trying to free himself. "You see? Ichigo was much happier resting his head in my beauties then your old dried up coconuts"

"Those oversized soggy water balloons must also throw off your balance and with it your line of sight. Ichigo definitely preferred mine"

"Can I say something?" Ichigo growled out now that he could breathe again.

"Stay out of this!" The two women shouted simultaneously.

"Ichigo has already been to bed with several of us" Nemu said speaking up in order to help out.

As everyone looked over at Nemu, Ichigo, Rukia and Isane all quickly protested.

"That's not what happened!"

"I'm still going to get you for that Ichigo!"

"Nemu, please be careful about how you word things"

"But my statement is grammatically correct"

"Okay that's it" Ichigo decided, "I'm still allowed to fight so I'm grabbing my sword, slicing the limbs of anyone who gets in my way and then I'm going home!"

Ichigo started moving towards where he tossed his sword but only made it a few feet before he slammed into something. Ichigo was shocked to see a glowing orange barrier in front of him and even more shocked as he found himself boxed in all the sides by the same substance.

"What the…Orihime?"

Orihime's pink shirt had a great deal of sweat on it since she had to run all the way here to catch up to everyone but she didn't mind. Her eyes shined with determination as she looked over at Ichigo while focusing to keep up the barrier.

"Don't…worry…Kurosaki…kun" she panted, "This time, I'll protect you"

"Inoue, wait. I'm trapped in here and can't get to my sword"

Halibel reached for the barrier and flinched as her hand was forced back. "Ichigo, you do not need to resist us. We are the far sexier and more fulfilling group"

As she said that, the rest of the Arrancar went into a set of rehearsed seductive poses.

Matsumoto scoffed at the sight. "Ichigo, you know that Shinigami Women Association is where it's at. Show him girls"

The other shinigami just stared blankly at Matsumoto.

"Come on. Do some sexy poses!"

The only one to respond was Yachiru who swayed her hips although nobody actually noticed it. Instead, they noticed someone else who seemed to be having a breakdown.

"No, no, no" Hinamori kept repeating as she clutched her head in agony.

"Hinamori, what's wrong?" Isane asked reaching over towards her.

Hinamori swatted her hand away. "No, I finally understand everything now. The truth is right before my eyes. It's all these sluts fault. They are the ones who lured Captain Aizen to their side and tricked him into to being evil! Don't worry Captain Aizen. I'll stop them and save you from their sinful lust!"

Hinamori picked the nearest slut, Menoly and quickly tackled her to the ground and then began scratching and clawing at her face and hair. Menoly tried in vain to push Hinamori off but only managed to rip open her hair bun. The falling hair only seemed to enrage Momo more. Loly moved to help her friend when someone slammed into her.

"Who is the Granma now bitch?" Isane yelled out as she yanked down Loly's skirt revealing a pair of white bloomers.

With members on both sides already started everyone else began to move forward.

"Take out the human girl" Halibel instructed, "Without her there's no barrier and then we can easily grab Ichigo"

"Inoue, stay back and keep up the barrier no matter what" Rukia said standing protectively in front of her friend.

"Right"

"I could fight to" Ichigo yelled out as he pounded on the wall of his prison.

"Stupid Shinigami. Get out of our way!" Cirucii screamed as she attacked with her whip.

Nanao stepped forward and calmly stopped the attack by using her large book as a shield, "You call that handling a whip? Pitiful"

"Mortal combat!!!" Yachiru screamed.

As Shinigami and Arrancar charged atone another, Matsumoto looked straight at Halibel "You know, this is really insulting and degrading to our gender"

"I agree" Halibel replied right before the two lunged for each other's hair.

* * *

Being a shinigami in the real world where people could not see you had some advantages. For example you could be like Soifon and break into an overpriced hotel to borrow their honeymoon suite for a little while.

With several scented candles spread out and lit around the large heart shaped bed, Soifon carefully placed her precious kitty on a throne of pillows. Giving Yoruichi a nudge to wake her up, Soifon took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Yoruichi-sama, please forgive me for having you kidnapped in such a matter but it was the only way we could talk together. I still will never understand what you see in that perverted shopkeeper but that is beside the point. I have thought long and hard about how I wanted to say this and I decided in the end to just come right out and say it. Yoruichi-sama, I…I lo…I love you. I have always loved you ever since I was a young girl and you taught me everything I know. Even after you abandoned me, my heart still yearned for you day and night. I know this isn't right and I don't expect a beauty such as you to return such feelings. I just…I just had to tell you this"

Soifon stopped there as a few tears trickled down her face. She patiently waited for her beloved to give her a response, any sort of response. Soifon kept on waiting for several minutes before it occurred to her that something might be wrong.

"Yoruichi-sama?" Soifon asked as she noticed the black cat had not moved at all let alone blinked or meowed.

Soifon gave the kitty a light poke and when that didn't work she tried a much harder poke. And when that didn't work as well, Soifon resorted to picking the cat and shaking her like crazy while crying her eyes out.

"Please Yoruichi-sama! Please wake up!"

* * *

Ichigo stared in confusion at the sight around him. His brain was beginning to lose focus again and he was reduced to keep asking himself the same question over and over again.

"When did my life end up becoming a porno movie? And it's a cheap stupid porno, like the type that Keigo probably watches all the time"

Indeed that seemed to be the very best way to describe the various fights that were ongoing at the moment. Directly in front of him were Hinamori and Isane who had somehow managed to take out Menoly and were now double teaming Loly and ripping off all parts of her cheerleader outfit. To the left were Nanao and Cirucii who seemed evenly matched. Cirucii was currently trying to choke Nanao with her whip while Nanao countered by trying to spank Cirucii with her book. Nearest to him was the battle of the two group leaders with Halibel knocking Matsumoto down into a pile of mud that Ichigo hadn't even realized that was there in the first place. As she fell Matsumoto grabbed on to the pant leg of Halibel's dancer outfit and dragged the third Espada down with her.

Ichigo was distracted by his observations as a figure suddenly slammed into the barrier. As the girl groaned and pulled herself back up, Ichigo had a clear view showing that the girl had been stripped down to pink underwear and a pair of white gloves.

"Ow, that hurt. Sorry about that Ichigo" Kiyone apologized as she charged back towards the fight.

'_I guess she doesn't wear the same type of underwear as her sister'_ Ichigo thought to himself as he looked at the back of the pink boy shorts that Kiyone had on, _'Hold on, where do stupid thoughts like that keep coming from?'_

Deep inside the freaky building land of Ichigo's mind, Zangetsu and Ichigo's hollow were currently relaxing on deck chairs on the side of a building. Both of them seemed to be in a very good mood with smiles on their faces and were even sharing an extra large bucket of popcorn.

While everyone else had been running around like crazy, Nemu was content to stay in the same spot. Her opponent Apache glared in annoyance at her.

"Well, are you going to do something or just stand there like an idiot?" she taunted.

Nemu nodded and them promptly being to undress, removing her short shinigami robes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Apache screamed in shock.

"I am merely following the same example as everyone else" Nemu explained as she threw her uniform on top of Apache's head blinding her and then ran forward to punch the Arrancar in the gut and rip apart her tank top.

"I'm going to win" Yachiru stated with complete seriousness.

"No you not. I will defeat you right here shinigami" Lilinette declared.

Both warriors threw their hands forward with Yachiru having a fist while Lilinette had two fingers pointing out.

"Ha! Rock beats scissors, that's means I win!" Yachiru cheered jumping up and down.

"No fair!"

"Ultimate 11th division secret attack," Yachiru disappeared with her incredible speed and reappeared directly behind Lilinette, "Wedgie!"

"Aggghhhhhhh"

Orihime gulped as the much larger Mila-Rose grabbed a hold of her pink shirt and lifted her off the ground. She swung her legs wildly trying to fight back but all that did was cause Mila-Rose's loincloth to come loose and fall off making the Arrancar that more angry.

"Get rid of the barrier right now" she ordered

"No! I won't let you or anyone else take Kurosaki-kun away from me!"

Mila-Rosa got ready to punch the struggling girl but Rukia stopped her by jumping on her back and wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Run Inoue" Rukia yelled as the large woman tried to threw her off.

"Orihime twisted her arms and managed to slip them out of her shirt causing her drop back to the ground. Orihime turned and started to run again. Tossing the shirt away Mila-Rose may another grab for Orihime and only managed to grab a hold of the girl's white bra strap which caused the garment to snap off completely.

Ichigo just so happened to be looking in that direction and was able to get perfect view of Orihime running naked from the waist up. Ichigo's eyes widened to the maximum size possible as a small bit of blood began to trickle out of his nose. Ichigo quickly slapped his hand over his face deciding that there was no way he could see anymore of this. A few moments passed and a few of Ichigo's fingers parted allowing his eye to peer out. It was just in time for him to witness Mila-Rose taking a swipe at Rukia causing the small shinigami's bra to come off and Ichigo to have a glimpse at what his hand had been touching earlier in the day.

With Ichigo mostly blinded at the moment, he hadn't noticed that a new person had shown up. Hiyori barely noticed the chaos around her as she focused on her target and made a beeline right towards him.

"Time to die Ichigo" Hiyori started to reach for her sword but was stopped as someone leaped in front of her and punched her in the face, "Who did that?"

Menoly glared at the new arrival, "Stay back if you value your life human. Hey guys, another one of Ichigo's stupid human lovers has shown up"

"What did you just call me?" Hiyori asked taking offence at almost ever word in the girl's sentence.

Menoly was about to respond with another insult and punch the small girl again but she noticed a couple of things. The girl had a Zanpakuto meaning she wasn't human, she was actually using her spiritual power and she was now wearing a hollow mask like the one Ichigo had on before. Menoly opened her mouth to scream for help but it was too late as Hiyori attacked.

Rangiku Matsumoto was not having a good day. What was supposed to be a day of shopping had turned into a tough battle and an impromptu mud bath, although not the beauty spa type she preferred. Case in point, Matsumoto was now using her arms to cover the revealed sections of her body that the mud didn't cover. Her uniform was nothing more then a few scrapes with her scarf being only piece of clothing not damaged. At least she could take some pride that Halibel was in the same situation only with a veil instead of a scarf.

"So are you ready to give it up now?" Matsumoto asked clearly the more winded and tired of the two.

"Only after you hand over Ichigo" Halibel replied. At that moment one of her subordinates crashed landed by her feet, "Are you having some problems Sun-Sun?"

Sun-Sun groaned and pulled herself back up. Halibel noticed that her fraccion was in her red underwear and that the only part remaining of her nun costume was the long arm sleeves for some odd reason.

"My apologies Lady Halibel but these shinigami are putting up a resistance. We also lost sight of the human girl and it seems that they had some backup show up a few minutes ago"

"That's right" Matsumoto chimed in with a straight face that came from years of dodging paperwork excuses, "We called for backup and they are going to be here any second now"

Halibel glanced at Masumoto carefully studied her face and then looked around the park at how the rest of the fights were going. Finally Halibel reached a decision, "Everyone fall back"

In the span of ten seconds, every Arrancar was at Halibel's side and leaping through a gateway back to Hueco Mundo with no one else being able to stop them. The shinigami suddenly and unexpectly found themselves alone in the park.

Matsumoto was the first to react "All right, we won"

"Come back here you cowardly Succubus!" Hinamori screamed as Isane tried to hold her in place.

Momo was most likely going to need another round of therapy now but Matsumoto wasn't going to let that one little thing spoil her mood "See that Ichigo? We stopped them from kidnapping you. You can start praising us anytime now. Ichigo?" Masumoto paused as she stared at the barrier where he was. "Hey, he's laying facedown on the ground and isn't moving"

"Kurosaki-kun" Orihime screamed from behind a large tree as the barrier immediately dropped and everyone raced over to check on the fallen boy.

"Is that blood?" Rukia asked with concern as Ichigo's body was turned over showing his face was completely covered in the red substance, "Was he attacked some how?"

Rukia looked around to see if there were any other enemies remaining. For a moment she thought she saw someone with short blonde hair but the figure quickly vanished.

Isane pushed the others aside and knelt down by Ichigo checking his pulse. A moment later she let out a sigh of relief.

"He's fine; he just passed out from too much stress. Well that and…" Isane indicated Ichigo's face, "A large amount of blood loose due to multiple nose bleeds"

Nemu also leaned down to check on Ichigo but she leaned her body directly over his with her chest right above Ichigo's face, "Ichigo-sama, are you hurt?"

Ichigo's eyes flickered open causing him to see Nemu's breasts being held in place by a small piece of black fabric and quickly passed out again.

"Excuse me?" Orihime's voice called out from behind the tree again, "If Kurosaki-kun is okay, has anyone seen my shirt or my bra?"

Rukia scanned the ground as she was still looking for her own bra as well. Picking up a white garment she tossed it by the tree. "I'm sorry Inoue but I don't see your shirt anywhere"

"Okay" Orihime replied as she reached out to pick up her bra.

"Matsumoto," Nanao said emerging from a nearby from a nearby bush. "You do realize how serious this is right?"

"Umm…what are you wearing?" Masumoto said looking at the gothic outfit that Nanao had on which was the same one Cirucii had earlier.

Nanao adjusted her glasses. "My clothing was damaged and I needed to improvise to get a replacement. That's all. Anyway Aizen is specifically going after Ichigo! What are we going to do about this?"

"You're right. I hate to say it girls, but we might actually have to do some work during this trip"

Nanao groaned. "Look, let's just get Ichigo somewhere safe first and figure out what do next"

"Sure thing. Right after we get changed and get some showers" Matsumoto said as she wiped some of the disgusting mud off her face.

"Agreed" the rest of the shinigami said together as they were all missing at least one piece of clothing by now.

Orihime stepped out from behind the tree with her white bra on. "You know, I could heal Ichigo first if…" she started to say but stopped as she realized the rest of the girls were already gone with Ichigo, "I guess Kurosaki-kun doesn't need me when he has so many other girls here to help"

Orihime started the sad and lonely walk back to her apartment when she heard someone calling her name. Turning around she was shocked to see Chizuru running towards her. Orihime quickly threw her arms over her chest but her classmate had already taken notice.

"No shirt" Chizuru whispered to herself, "The fates are smiling upon me"

"Chizuru, what brings you here today?" Orihime nervously asked.

Chizuru set down a portable stereo she had with her and turned it on. Romantic music flowed out from the machine as Chizuru grabbed a hold of Orihime's hands pulling them away from her chest. "I'm here to make a confession Orihime"

"Confession? This really isn't a good time Chizuru"

"No I can't put this off anymore. Please listen to me my Hime. The two of us are friends. Close, almost best friends really. But sometimes close friendship is not enough. Sometimes when friends are around each other for so long, changes start to occur. We look at our friends in a new light and new feelings start to emerge. Do you know what I mean?"

"No" Orihime answered truthfully.

"I'm talking about the feelings of love. Love so overpowering that it is impossible for you to resist. I am talking about the fact that a close female friend is in love with you Orihime!"

"What?" Orihime cried out her face bright red, "Chizuru don't joke abut such things"

"I'm not joking. I'm dead serious"

"Are you sure? Really?"

"There is no doubt in my heart"

"Oh my god. How could I have not have realized it all this time"

"It's okay Hime. What matters is that you embrace your newfound feelings!"

Orihime just shook her head in disbelief, "I just can't believe that Tatsuki is in love with me"

"Yeah, that's…What!?"

Several things happened at once. As Orihime was having the euphony to end all euphonies, Chizuru was having a brain system crash with her jaw hanging open. The portable stereo screeched to a halt before bursting into flames and a random bird passing by slammed into a nearby tree.

With one last pull Tatsuki broke the ropes binding her hands. Quickly punching the locker door open, she stepped out while whipping the gag off her mouth. She paused looking around in confusion.

"That's weird. My Orihime senses have suddenly stopped" Tatsuki said to herself, "But why do I suddenly feel so scared?"

Chizuru struggled to regain her voice, "No Inoue, you don't understand"

"It all makes sense now. Tatsuki always being there for me, protecting me from harm no matter what, getting so upset whenever you grope me"

"That's not it at all…wait. You knew that I was groping you?"

"Of course silly, I would have to be pretty dumb not to realize that"

Chizuru couldn't think of a response for that one.

"This is all so confusing. Tatsuki loves me but she also knows how I feel about Ichigo. What am I suppose to do now?" Orihime pondered as she turned around and tried to organize these new conflicting thoughts, "Chizuru, thank you for telling me all this. You really are a great friend"

"Fr…Friend" Chizuru stammered as that was the last word she wanted to hear from Orihime right now.

"But I really need to think about all this. Would it be alright if I could have some time alone for a little while? Please?"

Orihime turned back and was surprised to see Chizuru was already gone with no sign of her at all.

"Oh I didn't mean you had to leave that very second but thank you"

Chizuru was confused. One second she was listening to Orihime state the worst thing possible, the next moment she was felt a hand grabbing her shirt, a whoosh of air and was suddenly on top of a skyscraper with a pissed off Soifon glaring at her.

"What did you do to Yoruichi-sama?" Soifon roared.

"Umm nothing" Chizuru stammered out seeing how enraged the other woman was, "I just give her the milk with the sleeping potion added and handed her over to you. Nothing else"

"And did you follow my exact instructions for the potion?"

"Well, more or less. I didn't know what spirit particles were or how to measure them so I'm improvised and just added the whole potion. Why? Did something go wrong?"

"Of course something went wrong! You gave her too much potion and now I can't wake her up! She's going to be asleep for the entire day most likely. You ruined everything!"

"I'm really sorry about that. But, try to look on the bright side. It's just a cat, it's not you were trying to confess to a person like I was"

"Just a cat?" Soifon's eyes narrowed and suddenly Chizuru found herself being held upside down by her foot over the side of the building, "Yoruichi-sama is a perfect being of grace and elegance. You can not even begin to compare someone like her to your big chested bimbo!"

"Are you crazy, you freaky cat lady?" Chizuru screamed back as she made the mistake of looking down, "Put me down! Besides, we had an agreement! I wouldn't question your fetishes, you wouldn't question mine!"

"…Why did I let myself work with amateurs?" Soifon groaned as she tossed Chizuru safely back on to the roof, "Girl, bring me to the nearest drinking establishment immediately! I need to get drunk, badly"

"And if I refuse?" Chizuru asked bitterly.

"It's a long way down from here"

"Okay, getting drunk, got it. But I'm under aged so I'm not allowed inside those places"

Soifon ignored Chizuru's protests and pulled the girl back up to her feet. "I m a trained assassin and I am not in a good mood. No one will say anything if they value their life"

* * *

As Aizen saw his female Arrancar return with very few scraps of clothing remaining, he immediately came up with two possibilities. The mission was a failure or it was a success beyond his wildest expectations. However, considering there was no Ichigo with them, Aizen had to deduce it was the former and not the latter. Despite the embarrassing and very alluring appearance of his soldiers, Aizen kept a straight face as he wanted to be professional and show respect. Tosen and Gin were beside Aizen and followed suit although this was due to Gin knowing that he could watch the security camera footage as much as he wanted to later and Tosen being denied a real life male fantasy due to his lack of sight.

"I'm guessing you ran into a little trouble Halibel" Aizen remarked looking at Halibel's head.

Halibel's head was the only part of her body that was actually visible. This was due to her fraccion forming a protective circle around Halibel with their bodies in order to preserve her modesty even though it weakened their own by leaving their backsides and butts exposed.

"We encountered the target Ichigo Kurosaki and he was almost within our grasp. However we encountered some unexpected resistance from him as well as the female shinigami present there. A conflict ensued as we tried to obtain the boy and during the battle, we became outnumbered and I decided upon a tactical retreat"

"I see" was Aizen's simple reply.

"Those shinigami cheated and were to mean to us" Lilinette cried loudly as she rubbed her sore butt.

"At least you didn't have to deal with the psycho one with the glasses and the book," Cirucii argued while she wrapped a torn shinigami uniform around her body, "And we still don't know which one of them brutalized poor Menoly here"

Aizen glanced at the only unconscious Arrancar in the room. Menoly was lying on her back with only her underwear on and a set of pompoms covering her breasts. The rest of the body was covered with a black eye, multiple bruises and what looked to be bite marks.

Loly was besides her friend; her body crouched into a ball to hide her own lack of clothes. "They'll pay for this, I swear"

Halibel lowered her head in shame, "Lord Aizen, I take full responsibility for the failure of our mission and I will accept any punishment you deem fit"

Aizen sat back in his throne and thought for a moment, "Halibel if this were something like a vital climatic battle then I would have to deem you as too weak to serve me and would most likely kill you where you are standing. However, given the uniqueness of this mission…Gin please stop laughing. Given the uniqueness of the mission, I am willing to be more lineate. There I congratulate you all of you on your good effort and you may all go rest and recover from your wounds"

"Thank you Lord Aizen" several of the girls replied.

All of them headed out of the room with Halibel still having Mila-Rose, Sun-Sun, and Apache protecting her body. As the group was leaving, a lone Espada was heading in the other direction. As he passed the girls, he grinned at the sight.

"Looking good ladies. And Halibel, I didn't realize that you were that close with your fraccion"

"Bite me Grimmjow" Halibel shot back as she went down the hall.

"And what can I do for you today Grimmjow?" Aizen asked as his sixth Espada stepped into the room.

"Oh not much, just figured I would come here and tell how much your plan sucked. That's all"

"How dare you speak to Aizen in such a manner!" Tosen yelled as he reached for his sword.

"Now Tosen, let's not be too hasty and hear what Grimmjow has to say"

"If you want to nab Ichigo then there is a much simpler way. Just send somebody powerful to kick his ass and drag him back here. After that you can use him to make babies or whatever the hell you want him for"

"And when you say someone powerful, are you referring to yourself?" Aizen probed.

A feral grin appeared on Grimmjow's face, "Of course I am. In fact, I think I'm going to go kick Ichigo's ass anyway. Later"

Grimmjow disappeared with the use of sonido causing Tosen to fully unsheathe his sword this time. "You did not grant him permission to leave Lord Aizen. Shall I go and detain him?"

"No it's fine. Leave him be"

"But he is most likely going to attack the ryoka boy" Tosen protested.

"Grimmjow can go after Ichigo if he wishes to Tosen. After all," Aizen paused as his face formed a look of pure evil, "he can serve as an extra distraction while we all implement my true master plan"

"I see. Very well then" Tosen said as he put his sword back.

Gin turned and looked at their genius leader. "Wait, so do you really have a true master plan? Or are you just saying that so you can try to save face?"

"Gin"

"Yes Aizen?"

"Please shut up"


	8. The Romancing Man

Ichigo groaned as he slowly woke up from several hours of sleep. Still too tired to open his eyes, his brain tried to start recalling what he was doing before. Several images flashed through his head mostly of female Shinigami and Arrancar. The two groups seemed to be in some sort of ultimate battle while at the same time wearing the least amount of clothing possible. His brain quickly connected the dots.

'_Man that was a weird dream' _

Next Ichigo tried to move his body only to find that he couldn't. He could feel that he was in a sitting position but other then that every part felt that it was cramped and unable to move. This confusing fact took a few moments of mental deduction to figure out.

'_I must have agreed to sleep in the closet so Nemu or Rukia wouldn't crawl over me again. I don't how Rukia does this; it is really cramped in here' _

Mysteries solved, Ichigo was ready to go back to sleep. Just as he was starting to nod off, the light sound of purring reached his ear.

"Get away from me you stupid cat" he said in a low sleepy voice, "…Wait. We don't own a cat"

With all his strength Ichigo forced his eyes opened and came face to face with a large amount of pink fur. As such he reacted like any normal male would.

"Aggghhh"

Ichigo had no way of knowing this but while he had been unconscious his popularity had increased slightly. In fact there had been several people out trying to locate the famed substitute Shinigami all this time.

* * *

"Itsygo" Nel called as her small green head popped out a trash can, "Where are you?"

The tiny Arrancar continued her search for Ichigo as she checked all the other possible hiding spots. A nearby park bench, a bush, even underneath a manhole cover were all searched but to no avail.

"Itsygo" Nel sniffled as she sat down on a street corner. "This game isn't fun anymore. Where are you…

* * *

…hiding to?" Grimmjow growled as he looked over the town from atop a tall building.

The sixth Espada had already been through the damn town three times and so far there had been no luck in finding his target. For that matter there hadn't even been the slightest hint of his reiatsu. As he leapt off to begin to his next search, Grimmjow made a vow.

"You can't hide from me forever Kurosaki. And when, I find you I'm going to…

* * *

…fight yeah! Get out your sword and let's go!" Kenpachi roared as he crashed through a wall and into someone's bedroom.

Kenpachi turned and looked at the bed immediately disappointed to find that it was not Ichigo in it. Its occupant, a rather ordinary teenager by the name of Keigo stared in shock as the scarred man.

"It's just a bad dream. It's just a bad dream" Keigo said as he pulled the bed covers over his face and desperately tried to go back to sleep.

The 11th division captain scoffed at the weakling.

"Where the hell…"

* * *

"…is he?" Hiyori growled as she looked across at the one person who would know the answer.

Kisuke Urahara sat on the steps in front of his store as he casually waved a fan in front of his face, "Why hello there Hiyori-chan. It's been far too long. Why just look at how much you have grown"

Hiyori immediately slammed her fist into Urahara's exposed stomach causing the shopkeeper to double over in pain.

"It's just like old times" he wheezed out.

"Look I can't sense Ichigo's reiatsu anywhere and besides our warehouse this is the only place that could hide it. I know that he is here"

"Well maybe Ichigo has just gotten better at suppressing his energy?"

"Yeah right and maybe Shinji has gotten better at not being a dumbass"

A long stare down went between the two before Urahara finally relented. "Alright, Ichigo is here. However I can't just let you have him"

Hiyori quickly started pulling on her hollow mask.

"Wait, you didn't let me finish. I can't let you have Ichigo but I can give you the opportunity to earn the chance to have him"

"…What?"

Hiyori watched with suspicion as her the eyes of her former captain gleamed with amusement. Glancing back into the store he yelled out.

"Excuse me Matsumoto but do you think we can fit one more player into the game?"

"Sure," Matsumoto yelled back, "Nanao is being a sulk and won't play"

"I am not!"

"What are you up to?" Hiyori asked.

"Oh nothing much. Just a little game I like to call…"

* * *

"Urahara's Ultimate Test of True Love Game Show!"

Amidst an explosion of brightly coloured smoke, roaming spotlights, and cheesy sound effect music, Urahara walked out on to the stage. Well technically the stage was actually the ground in his massive underground training area but no need to worry about such minor details. Kisuke usually outfit was replaced by a green and white stripped suit perfectly matching his bucket hat which was still on his head. Twirling a microphone in his hand, Kisuke quickly smiled at the assembled audience.

"Good morning ladies and gentle…well actually just lades" he said looking over at a set of bleachers which had an all female shinigami audience, "Today we have three contestants who are going to test their knowledge for a chance at true love. And now to introduce them, I'll turn things over to my lovely assistant Rangiku.

Matsumoto quickly appeared with her own microphone wearing a short glittering red dress that didn't even come close to hiding her legs or cleavage. As she began to speak another set of spotlights let up revealing three constant stands each with a girl behind them. Contestants one and two were smiling hopefully while number three was making killing gestures at the host.

"Contestant number one is a high school girl with a great body. Her hobbies include hanging out with friends and making great tasting food! Give it up for Orihime! Next is a good friend of mine whose is on medical leave from her lieutenant duties. Still her adorable looks make every guy wish they could be called Shiro-chan by her. It's Hinamori. And lastly we have contestant number three Hiyori who is actually a complete stranger to me. Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself sweetie?"

"Bite me" Hiyori replied back swiftly.

"Wow, you're a real charmer. Well back to you Kisuke"

"Thank you my dear. Now then our three contestants are going to answer a series of skill testing questions in order to wing the grand prize: a date with a mystery bachelor who we have hidden behind the curtain over there…"

"Aggghhh"

"And who has apparently just woken up as well"

A large velvet purple curtain lifted up revealing Ichigo Kurosaki. The young man was still in his shinigami form but was now sitting a chair. Thick chains around his body along with several high level kido spells guaranteed that he could not escape from said chair. There was also an extra bit of restraint as a pinked furred cat girl with red hair currently was resting her head in Ichigo's head while gently purring.

Matsumoto was not impressed. "Bad Haineko. Bad kitty Zanpakuto. You know there's no playing with the game show prize.

Haineko lifted her head up a bit as she looked back at her owner, "I'm just taking a little cat nap. By the way that dress makes you look fat"

"At least I'm not covered in fleas"

"Old hag"

"Go chase a mouse!"

Haineko stuck her tongue out before lying her head back down on Ichigo's lap, "You don't mind, right?"

"Of course I mind!" Ichigo yelled. "Why do have me locked up down here? Why is your Zanpakuto sleeping on me? For that matter why isn't your Zanpakuto an actual sword?

"Well you see…"

- A little while earlier -

Matsumoto had just finished trying on her dress very happy to see that it fit her perfectly. However she had noticed something else in the shop that she was curious about.

"Hey what's this thing?" she asked holding up a strange life size white doll, "There's a bunch of them stacked up in the corner"

Kisuke glanced up from organizing his question cards, "Hmm? Oh that is an invention of mine known as the Tenshintai. It's a training device for obtaining Bankai"

"Really? How does it work?"

"You stab your Zanpakuto into the doll causing your sword's spirit to materialize. After that you have three days to subdue it in order to obtain Bankai"

Matsumoto thought about that for a few moments. "So you're saying that I just have to put my sword into this piece of cardboard and my Zanpakuto spirit can hang out with me for the next three days?"

"Well technically yes although that's really not what it was intended for"

Matsumoto was already inserting her sword into the device, "Hey Momo. Come here and try this out"

* * *

Up in the stands, Tobiume's bells jingled as the small black haired Zanpakuto spirit jumped up proudly holding a sing that read: Go Momo Go! Yachiru also has a sign only hers said: Hi Ken-chan, I'm on TV! Bring me candy! The rest of the females were much quieter. Well unless the applause sign flashed over their head which they responded to right away.

"Any more questions?" Matsumoto asked as she smiled over at Ichigo.

Ichigo responded back with an 'are you stupid' look and then looked around first at his imprisonment and then at the entire game show set.

"Well you see Kurosaki, the chains and kido spells attached to you are for you protection. Aizen sent his Arrancar after you so we need to make sure they cannot reach you. Therefore for now we are keeping you here under our protection at least for the time being" Kisuke explained, "And as for the game, hmm what's the best for me to word this?"

"He got bored" Rukia called out from the audience.

"…Bored? You're doing this because you are bored?" Ichigo screamed as he started to struggle twice as hard.

"Now don't be angry Ichigo. Try not to think of your imprisonment and this game as bad things. Consider them tools in helping to recover from your deep seeded psychological fear of women. And we'll find if one of these ladies is able to help Ichigo do that when we start round one right after these commercials!"

"And cut!"

The lights dimmed a bit as Jinta walked on to the stage with a clipboard. "Not bad people but keep going. We got a schedule to maintain here. Ururu, get a close up shot of mister grand prize over there for we come back live"

Ururu quickly adjusted camera three so that it focused on Ichigo's baffled face.

"Wait a second…you're actually filming this?" he asked.

Urahara turned his face to the side so Ririn could apply some powder to it. "Of course Ichigo. After all this is perfect blackmail material"

Ichigo lowered his face to the chains wrapped around his body and quickly started trying to bite through them.

"Also, Yoruichi wants to see this in full when she gets back"

* * *

Yoruichi took a brief look around as she entered into the establishment. Of all the places she would have expected Soifon to be at, a bar was nowhere near the top of the list. Granted there was a medieval weapons and torture shop a few doors down but drinking had never really been her former student's thing. Still she could sense Soifon's reiatsu here so it must be the right place.

"Soifon? Are you here?" Yoruichi called out while letting out a loud yawn, "Man, I wish I knew why I was so tired today"

The sound of laughter brought Yoruichi's attention to the main bar. There she saw the back of Soifon's head as she taking a sip of sake while talking with a redhaired girl next to her.

"So we all run out of the classroom," Chizuru was in the middle of saying, "And there we see Ichigo and this Renji guy on the floor straddling each other!"

Soifon let out a fit of laughter as she drowned the rest of her bottle. "Ha. I was unaware of this fact. My men are getting sloppy with their reconnaissance. Still, it does explain a few things about Abarai and the obsession he has concerning his captain"

At that point Yoruichi leaned in between the two while wrapping an arm around Soifon, "Hey there Soifon. I heard you were looking for me the other day. Who's your friend?"

Chizuru glanced up with blurry eyes as her glasses were almost completely fallen off her face. As she made out the figure her smile instantly brightened. "Hi. I'm Chizuru and you're hot"

"No, you're wrong" Soifon protested loudly. "Her name is not hot. Her name is the great and perfect Yoruichi-sama who I cannot live without!"

"Right" Yoruichi glanced at the counter where there was quite a large pile of empty sake bottles and saucers, "Soifon, how long have you been here drinking?"

"I stopped counting after eight hours"

Chizuru grinned at the dark skinned beauty as she leaned closer. "You're Yourichi? Wow. Here kitty, kitty, kitty…"

Yoruichi glanced at Chizuru with a confused look before leaning in and whispering into Soifon's ear, "Soifon please tell me that you have not been drinking with a minor all this time while revealing secrets about us and Soul Society"

The second division captain hiccupped in response. "Of course not"

"Yeah, that's right. I don't know anything about shinigami, hollows, or how your senile old leader is trying to make everyone have Ichigo's babies" Chizuru said.

Despite being drunk, Soifon could tell her beloved Yoruichi was not pleased with the way she was glaring at her. Taking another gulp of sake, she quickly formalized an acceptable explanation for her actions.

"It's a secret to everyone" she announced proudly.

"Yeah!" Chizuru cheered along with a few other drunken patrons.

"That's it young lady. You're in big trouble and are officially grounded. No more drinking for the next three decades!" Yoruichi yelled as she grabbed Soifon's ear and started dragging her by it out of the chair and towards the exit.

"You never let me have any fun Yoruichi-sama" Soifon cried.

Yoruichi took a brief glance back at Chizuru, "As for you kid, go home and sober up"

"Sure thing you cuddly sex kitten you. Bye Soifon. Call me later!" Chizuru looked around the bar as she pushed her glasses back up on her face. "Hmm, maybe I'll have one more bottle first"

"Chizuru, show yourself so I can kill you!" Tatsuki's enraged voice sounded from somewhere outside.

"To go please" she quickly amended proving that even when drunk, she knew when it was a good time to run away.

* * *

As the spotlights once more lit up on his face Urahara smiled brightly, "Welcome back folks to Urahara's Ultimate Test of True Love Game Show! Let's not waste anytime now and get started on the questions for Round One!"

Searching through his suit pockets, Urahara pulled out a pile of trivia cards and started to read the first one.

"Question one which is for five points. What famous writer does Ichigo admire?"

The three contestants thought about it for a moment and Orihme's contestant stand suddenly lit up.

"Yes Orihime?"

"This one is easy. It's Richard Flannery"

A brief pause was followed by a loud buzzing sound effect to indicate she was wrong.

"Inoue, who is that?" Ichigo asked.

A confused look formed on the girl's face. "Don't you remember Kurosaki-kun? He's the author of 1001 Red Bean Paste Recipes. I gave you a copy of his book for your birthday last year"

"Oh right. His name slipped my mind for a moment. Sorry" Ichigo said quickly not wanting to admit that Orihime's gift was actually currently being used as a paperweight on his desk. "By the way Inoue, I'm sorry that you got dragged into this stupid stunt"

"It's all right Kurosaki-kun. I really don't mind" Orihime replied quickly not wanting to admit that she had begged Matsumoto to be a contestant on the show.

"Does anyone else have an answer?" Urahara asked.

Hinamori politely raised her hand. "Is it Captain Aizen?"

"Err…no" Urahara said slowly completely forgetting to signal the buzzer. "Why would you think that is the answer?"

"Well Captain Aizen did right several fascinating papers on kido use and application. I just thought that everyone had read them"

"Right. Well Hiyori, this is your big chance to steal the points and get an early lead. Do you have an answer?"

"How should I know?" Hiyori crossed her arms, "William freaking Shakespeare"

"That's correct"

"What?" Hiyori gasped in shock.

"What?" Orihime repeated equally shocked.

"Next question. What are the names of Ichigo's sisters?"

"Annoying human number one and annoying human number two" Hiyori growled.

"Captain Aizen never had any siblings as far I know" Hinamori mused out loud, "I wonder if that made him lonely"

Inoue's hand slammed down on to her buzzer. "Yuzu and Karin" she yelled out before anyone else could correct their statements.

"That's right! Five points to you"

The red headed girl sighed with relief as the points appeared on her screen and she was now tied for the lead.

"Alright question three. What is Ichigo's preferred type of underwear?"

"What the hell? That's way too personal of a question!" Ichigo shouted.

* * *

"He is approaching" Captain Unohana announced to her co-conspirator as she stood inside her office, "Are you ready?"

Byakuya stared back at her with a displeased look on his face, "No. In fact I think there are several parts of this plan that we should further discuss before implementing any actions"

"Well it's too late for that now" Unohana replied back curtly as she shoved the Kuchiki noble into the centre of the room.

The 4th division captain worked fast. First she threw off her captain haori into a random corner with one hand while using the other one to mess up her hair. Next she yanked the front of her shinigami robes down revealing a small bit of cleavage. Finally with perfect timing she jumped into Byakuya's waiting arms while screaming the first thing that popped into her head.

"Take me Captain Kuchiki!"

Unohana stayed in his arms until a loud cough was heard from behind her. Slowly she slid back down to the floor and then turned to look at the doorway where the expected angry face of Yamamoto was waiting.

"Captain commander, what a surprise" Unohana said in a perfectly acted nervous voice, "What brings you here today?"

The old man did not look pleased. "Hanataro Yamada showed up at my office this morning while I was in the middle of an important meeting. He said that you required my immediate arrival here as you have reason to believe that I am suffering from the plague"

"I really must talk to that boy about his wild imagination" Unohana said sadly, "Still I guess that doesn't matter right now considering what you have just witnessed"

"And what pray tell have I just witnessed?" Yamamoto asked sternly.

"Why one of my illicit rendezvous with Captain Kuchiki as we've secretly been lovers for several decades now"

"So you mean to say that I walked in here while the two of you were being intimate?"

"As much as I am ashamed to admit it, this is the truth" Unohana said lowering her head.

Yamamoto's eyes widened a small bit as he overlooked the pair. "I see. Tell me Retsu. If you were just engaging in such acts then why are your clothes messed up and Captain Kuchiki's are on perfectly fine?"

Unohana shot a brief nervous look at Byakuya "Well…It's his flash step mastery sir. He is just so fast that he was able to get dressed the second he sensed you. And yet with all that amazing speed he is still quite gentle with me. It's one of the many things I can't resist about him"

"Captain Kuchiki, is everything that your fellow captain is saying correct? Have the two of you been in a relationship all this time?"

Byakuya's took a deep breath. The smart thing would to be to walk away here and now but unfortunately the smart thing never wanted to get involved with keeping his family elders happy or ensuring the safety of his sister from that boy. So instead he utilized another skill besides flash steps that he been previously taught by Yoruichi. That was the vital ability to lie with a straight face.

"Everything she has stated is corrected sir. For many years now Retsu Unohana and I have been in a deep passionate affair. My apologies for keeping it a secret but we wished to avoid a scandal from occuring. However I…I truly love her"

Yamamoto glanced back and forth between the two captains studying their faces closely. Finally he let out a sigh, "There will be serious repercussions for the two of you not informing me of this. However, we shall discuss that a later time. For now, I will leave and let the two of you resume your make out session. Have a good day"

The two captains waited until Yamamoto was gone before looking back at one another and relaxing a bit.

"Despite it being rushed and foolhardy, it seems that your plan worked" Byakuya admitted grudgingly.

"Yes, it was a pretty performance for our first appearance together"

Byakuya started to nod in agreement but then stopped suddenly, "First appearance?"

Retsu smiled back at him, "Of course my love. You do realize that it will take more then this for people to believe that we are a couple. But you do not need to worry. I have a schedule of events we can do together for the next few weeks to maintain the illusion"

Walking down the hallway, the captain commander slowly shook his head in disbelief.

"Really Unohana after all these centuries you still act like a child sometimes. If you did not want to take part in the Ichigo mission then you just should have just said something in the first place"

* * *

'_This is it'_ Orihime thought to herself as she waited for the next question, _'You are going to win this and get a date with Kurosaki-kun. Then you can finally tell him how you feel'_

'What about my feelings Orihime?' Another voice suddenly asked her.

Orihime turned around and was shocked to see a hallucination of Tatsuki standing next to her.

"Have you forgotten that I love you as well?" Tatsuki asked gently.

"Tatsuki-chan" Orihime said a in a nervous voice, "I do know of your feelings but I only found out about them yesterday. And well this is Kurosaki-kun and I…"

Orihime could not think of anything else and stared at the transparent form of her friend who was looking back at her with a sad look and a few tears sliding down her face.

"It's okay. I mean I'll be alone for the rest of my life since my athletic skills and tough girl personality will scare off any potential males. But don't worry Orihime, I'll be fine as long as you're happy" The illusionary girl managed a weak smile despite her eyes being full or sorrow, "I'll just be one of those people who grows into a fat old lady who has about twenty cats and bugs random people on the subway about how great she use to be in the old days. It'll be fun"

"No, Tatsuki-chan" Orihime said softly.

"Is Tatsuki-chan your final answer?" Urahara asked.

"What?" Inoue snapped out of her daydream to see Urahara staring right at her. She suddenly realized that she was just asked a question but never actually heard it.

"Umm, yes?" she said hopefully

Urahara glanced at his question card. "I'm sorry Orihime but Tatsuki is not the answer to what was Ichigo's score on his last math test. Oh my, nobody actually got that question right. However since Hiyori-chan was the only person that had a numerical response with her guess of zero, we'll let her have the points anyway!"

"You'll pay for this!" Hiyori protested, "This game is rigged"

"Well that does it for round one" Urahara announced happily to the mildly interested audience, "Let's check those scores. Matsumoto?"

"Right. Currently we have our surprise entrant Hiyori in the lead with 45 points. Trailing in second but not willing to give up the battle just yet is Orihime with 30 points. And in a so far behind its kind of pathetic distant third is Hinamori with a score of negative 70"

"Captain Aizen would be very disappointed in me right now"

Urahara looked over at contestant number two with a serious expression. "I'm sorry Hinamori but you said the A word again. That's another minus five points"

"Aww" Hinamori pouted as her score went down even further.

"If she says his name one more time, I'm going to start lighting things on fire!" Tobiume roared as she started to swing her fire bells around causing the rest of the audience to duck out of the way.

Urahara chuckled nervously, "Well with that delightful announcement that does it for round one folks. After a short break we'll back with the lightning round where the point values are doubled and the contestants will be in their lovely swimsuits"

"You never said anything about that, you perverted bastard!" Hiyori screamed.

Off to the side Ichigo had pretty much stop paying attention to the game in favour of trying to figure out a way to escape.

"Hey Haineko, if you let me out of here I can get you some nice tasty fish" he said in a low whisper.

The cat Zanpakuto spirit actually peered up from Ichigo's lap. "It really took you this long to think of that idea?"

"Yes" Ichigo admitted reluctantly, "So will you do it or not?"

"Well I could do it. I am a bit hungry. But then again I could go and find some fish for myself and not waste time freeing you " Haineko stuck out her tongue as she got off Ichigo's lap and walked away, "Chow"

"Damn it"

"Ichigo, are you alright?" A voice asked.

Ichigo twisted his head to the side looking to see Isane and Nemu standing next to him, the two looking concerned.

"I would be better if you could get me out of here"

Isane bent down and looked at the chains and kido spells around them. "I'm sorry but these spells are beyond my skill"

"Figures"

"Well, umm I might be able to do something else for you" Isane said slowly as she started to move behind him.

Ichigo was confused at what Isane was doing until he felt a pair of hands on top of his shoulders which slowly started to massage them.

"You don't have to do…" Ichigo's comment was cut short if he felt several kinks built up from countless fights with hollows disappear all at once, "Wow, that's incredible. You're really good at this"

Since Isane was directly behind Ichigo, he could not see the small blush on her face. "It's nothing really. It's the least I could after what you did to keep me safe yesterday"

Before Ichigo could say anything else Nemu stepped forward with a small open box in her hands. "Are you hungry Ichigo-sama? I prepared some food for you" she asked formally.

"Well…"

Deciding that was a good enough answer, Nemu took a piece of food and quickly stuck it into Ichigo's mouth. Ichigo was a bit concerned as up till this point he would have doubted Nemu knew anything about cooking. Still his concerns were averted as soon as the food made contact with his taste buds.

"Hey, this tastes just like Yuzu's cooking"

Nemu nodded, "I asked your sister if she would instruct me on how to cook. Is it good?"

"It's delicious!"

A small smile formed on Nemu's face as she heard the compliment.

Ichigo began to actually relax. Between the tasty food and the comforting massage he was content and for a brief moment he actually forgot about all the chaos has life had experienced in the last few days.

"What are you two doing? Get away from him!"

The shortest of shortest brief moments unfortunately.

Rukia stormed over the group looking completely livid. "The two of you should not be standing next to Ichigo treating him like some kind of king" she said pushing the other two aside.

"Jeez Rukia, what is your problem?"

Nemu looked over at Rukia and studied her expression for a moment. "I believe she is jealous of all the attention we are giving to you Ichigo-sama"

"What?" Ichigo and Rukia cried out together.

"Nemu, I think that you might be mistaken" Isane said quickly trying to get her to stop.

Nemu did not seem to pick up the hint, "Her heart rate has increased, her face is bright red and her tone of voice clearly indicates anger and hostility. This only just now occurred when we were near Ichigo in close proximity and interacting with him in a somewhat intimate fashion. Would these symptoms not suggest jealousy?"

Rukia looked over at the two of them, "Okay, first off, I am not jealous. Secondly, I'm doing this for your own safety. If the two stay around Ichigo, he'll end doing something perverted to you"

Ichigo took a deep breath. "Look Rukia, I'm sorry about that incident"

"Incident?" Rukia asked her voice menacing.

"Incidents" Ichigo corrected, "But they were accidents. That's all. For the last time, I am not a pervert"

"I still think you're a pervert" Hiyori called out form the contestant area where everyone had stopped playing to watch the fight.

"Shut up! I never asked you. You're the one that keeps answering those questions about me!" Ichigo tilted his head to the side to look back at her. "Are you stalking me or something?"

"Like hell. I'm not even trying to win this thing. Your life is just made up of stupid random crap."

"Take that back!"

"Why don't I take your head instead?" Hiyori reached for her sword, "I'm winning this game so I'm going to go claim my prize"

"Now Hiyori-chan, you're not actually allowed to kill the prize" Urahara interupted, "How about I let you have the UUTTLGS home edition board game instead?"

Hiyori ignored him as she charged forward. Before she could reach him though, Lisa suddenly appeared in front her grabbing a hold of her arm.

"There you are" Lisa said in annoyance at her fellow vizard. "Did you forget that it's your turn to make breakfast today? Mashiro, she's down here!"

"I don't have time for that!" Hiyori yelled, "I'm about to finally get my revenge on Ichigo!"

Lisa turned and looked over at the chained up Ichigo before glancing back at Hiyori. A smirk formed on her face "Revenge, huh?"

"Not like that!"

"You know, for this kind of thing it's better if you are dressed in a dominatrix outfit. I also have a whip you could borrow if you want"

"Just get out of my way" Hiyori growled pushing Lisa off to the side.

A crash was heard from the ceiling above as Mashiro dropped down to the ground in front of Hiyori and in one swift move threw the slightly smaller girl over her shoulder.

"Put me down!"

"No. I'm hungry and I want waffles" the green haired girl replied in complete seriousness as she jumped back up into the air with Hiyori, "Bye Berry-chan and everyone else"

Lisa turned and was about to leave as well when a voice called out to her from the stands. "Lisa-sensei, is that really you?"

Nanao's eyes widened at shock at seeing someone she hadn't seen in decades since she had been a small child. Lisa stared at her for a moment before she recognized finally who it was.

"Nanao. Hey long time no see. You sure have grown a lot. Well see yeah"

"Wait" Nanao cried out but the vizard had already disappeared again.

She slumped back in her seat disappointed that she had seen one of her old role models and she was gone just as quickly as she had appeared. Yachiru reached over and laid a hand on Nanao's shoulder.

"Old girlfriend?" She asked in a comforting tone.

"What? Madam President, it's nothing like that" Nanao sputtered.

Back at his chained up chair Ichigo was still staring at the spot where Hiyori had last been. "Well that was weird"

A hand suddenly gripped his hair as Rukia forced him to look back at her. "Would you start paying attention to me?"

"What?"

"You just ignored me while you were screaming at that other girl!"

"That's because she called me a pervert!"

"I just did the same thing!"

"So?"

"So, you were arguing with me first! And it's rude to start arguing with someone else when you haven't finished the argument with the first person!" Rukia finished off.

"What? Rukia, do you realize how stupid that…" Ichigo voice suddenly stopped in mid sentence. A small laugh came out of him, "No way. It's true, isn't it? You really are jealous"

"I. Am. Not. Jealous!" Rukia screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Oh yeah? Prove it then" Ichigo said with a smirk as he kept laughing.

"…Fine!" Rukia shot back and in a split second that didn't involve any thought process what so ever, she grabbed his face and kissed him as deeply as possible.

Ichigo was shocked at first as he felt Rukia's lips on his but after a few moments he started kissing her back just as eagerly. The two were at it for a full minute before Rukia came back up for air.

"See? I told you I wasn't jealous" she answered proudly while everyone else just stared at the girl with muted looks of shock, "What?"

Urahara leaned in to whisper to his co-host, "First kiss wins?"

Matsumoto shrugged, "The show is almost up to the thirty minute mark"

"Ah. Well, in that case…"

Large sirens began to wail from all over the area as the sky was suddenly filled with falling balloons and confetti.

"Congratulations Rukia Kuchiki. By kissing the grand prize, you've won our top secret bonus round and have earned yourself one trillion points. That makes you today's big winner! That means tomorrow you get to have a date with Ichigo"

"Hold on. I never agreed to take anyone on a date" Ichigo argued.

Urahara smiled at him, "Well, it's either that or we'll keep you chained up down here until you do agreed"

Ichigo stared back silently at him.

"Well?"

"I'm debating which would be worse" Ichigo muttered.

"If you don't go I'll make Haineko babysit you Ichigo. And I'll give her everything she needs to give you a complete makeover" Matsumoto added on.

"…Alright. I'll do the stupid date"

Orihime slumped over her contestant booth. "No. I was so close"

"Oh well. It's probably for the best" Hinamori said still managing to keep a smile, "After all, Captain Aizen always said it was foolish to play games of chance"

"That's it. This place is going to burn!" Tobiume yelled out as several of the other girls tackled the arson Zanpakuto before she could launch an attack.

Urahara suddenly thrust a microphone under Rukia, "Well Miss Kuchiki, anything you would like to say to all the viewers at home? Or would you rather go give your date there another victory kiss?"

Rukia was still completely baffled by what was going on as she didn't even notice a balloon that bounced off her head. "Date? Wait…I just kissed him…and…I…date?" Rukia's expression glazed over as she actually realized what just happened and as such she promptly fainted.

"Hey, I have a question. How much longer are all you girls suppose to be here?" Ichigo asked as he stared down at the small shinigami that was now at his feet.

"This is currently the fourth day in our month long assignment" Nemu explained.

"Right. Wake me up in about four weeks or when this all turns out to be one horrible long nightmare"

And with that the mighty hero let himself fall back in the only peaceful part of his life left, the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.

Urahara walked over and looked over Ichigo, "Well I guess we can unchain him now. Hmm perhaps we should give our winner an extra prize and let the two of them sleep next to each other for a while"

"And also so we can take embarrassing blackmail pictures of them?" Matsumoto asked hopefully.

Kisuke smiled and quickly pulled out a camera. "I like the way you think my dear"


End file.
